Wednesday, December 30, 2009

AN EXCITING CAREER OPTION!!

Well, my last posting for 2009 presents a real career opportunity for many Teflers stuck in the miserable rut of UK TEFL right now. It's actually a job that requires no degree or former experience, not even a mickey-mouse TEFL certificate, and it pays just as badly as a regular Tefl gig. Don't believe me? Just read on...

Civil Enforcement Officer / Parking Attendant
Employer: ENFORCEMENT SKILLS
Posted: 25 Nov 2009
Contact: Lindsay Joyce
Location: East Midlands - Leicestershire
Industry: Government - Local government
Contract: Contract
Hours: Full Time
Salary: up to £9 per hour (i.e., £360 per week, £18,720 p.a.)

An excellent opportunity has arisen for an on and off street Parking Attendant based in Leicestershire. You will be patrolling car parks and public roads, enforcing traffic regulation orders, issuing lawful penalty charges and maintaining car park equipment. Candidate must have experience of enforcement. Experience of difficult people and challenging situations.
A full driving license is essential for the role.

Essential skill set & responsibilities:
•You must be available to work flexible hours.
•Must be hard working and able to use own initiative.
•Must be vigilant and have excellent attention to detail.

For more information about this role please contact Lindsay Joyce on 020 3119 3356 or send your CV to lindsay.joyce@redsnappergroup.co.uk.

Yes, that's right - it's a parking attendant's job. And it pays better than many of the crappy EFL jobs that you can find on tefl.com these days. In fact, if you have 'experience of enforcement and dealing with difficult people and challenging situations' - as surely every UK Tefler has - you might as well apply for it, as you'll be better off doing that than swallowing the following morsels of misguided Tefl nonsense...

CRAP JOB 1. TEFL tutor - Anglophiles Academic Ltd

Experience - Entry level

We are looking for energetic, dynamic and organized teachers to teach 12 hours a week, who are willing to teach classes in their homes and who are enthusiastic in organising activities for young students. The role requires the teacher to plan informative and fun lessons, to teach four 3-hour English classes on weekday mornings to groups of 4 students, to supervise and hopefully get involved in leisure activities in the afternoons (such as ice-skating and bowling) and to accompany students on one excursion during the course.

Applicants should live locally as accommodation is not provided. Please apply by sending a brief email to matthew@anglophiles.com, attaching a current CV.

Qualifications - We require candidates to be degree qualified or to possess a relevant TEFL qualification and/or experience.

Compensation - We offer competitive fees between £366 and £510 per course (8 days work) depending on qualifications and experience. Our teachers have self-employed status.

Anglophiles Academic Ltd
140-144 Freston Road
London, W10 6TR
Telephone: 0207 603 1466
Matthew Kendrick, Director of Studies

So there you go - 366 quid a week for what looks like a whole lot of work! At least it seems to be tax-free though ... maybe. What about the next one, though - surely it can't be worse?

CRAP JOB 2: English Language Instructors - Berlitz Manchester

Berlitz Manchester is looking for enthusiastic, dynamic individuals to join our ever expanding team of teachers. We provide General English classes to multi-lingual groups, although there is increasing demand for BEC and IELTS tuition. The position would suit candidates with an interest in professional development.You will be responsible for planning and delivering learner centred lessons based on a communicative teaching approach.

Please apply by email providing full details of qualifications and previous experience.
Qualifications - CELTA essential; DELTA desirable

Minimum of one year's teaching experience.
£10 per hour minimum

This rate is subject to increase dependent on committment to the company and level of teaching qualification.

Ooh, wow - ten quid an hour! So that might get you ... 300 quid a week?! Less than the parking attendant's job!! Anyway, who in their right mind would EVER want to work for Berlitz, anyway?

CRAP JOB 3: EFL teacher required - London Meridian College

Long established and stable school, accredited to the British Council and Tier 4 approved, has two teaching positions available, one in Archway and one in Oxford Street. But please read and understand details of the salary offered before you apply. We do not wish to waste our time and yours if you are looking for a better salary

£19,000 per annum up to level 5
£21,500 per annum level 6 upwards and IELTS.

The annual salary is based upon a 45 hour week, 52 weeks per year, although teaching staff are entitled to 28 days paid holiday. The salary quoted is reduced pro rata for shorter periods worked.

Please apply with a cv to tomoko@meridiancollege.co.uk

Qualifications - CELTA or equivalent

So, the money's a bit better, but it's a 45-hour week! I hope that's not contact hours, but something tells me ... nah, CAN'T be!!

CRAP JOB 4: EFL Teacher - Belgravia college, London

Belgravia College is looking for a qualified, enthusiastic and
reliable English language teacher, preferably with experience of
teaching exam classes and Business English. Candidates must have
CELTA, hold a university degree and be a native speaker of
English.

Compensation £10.00. Please email your CV to kate.stanis@belgraviacollege.co.uk

Ooh, fuck me - another ten quid an hour job? 300 smackers a week? Stick it up yer arse, Kate! Let's move on, shall we...

CRAP JOB 5: English Language Teacher - Richard Language College, Bournemouth

RICHARD LANGUAGE COLLEGE requires QUALIFIED AND EXPERIENCED TEACHERS
to teach English to speakers of other languages

Teacher applications please send full CV to:

The College Administrator
Richard Language College
43-45 Wimborne Road
Bournemouth BH3 7AB
Tel: +44 (0) 1202 555932
Email: collegeadmin@rlc.co.uk

Qualifications: Degree or equivalent + TEFL Certificate.
QTS (Primary and/or Secondary) is acceptable for certain courses.

01.01.10 > up to £325/week full time

Oh, shit - this one's just as bad! Only 325 quid a week OR LESS! In other words, much less than the poor old placer of parking tickets earns!! Surely things can't get worse ... can they?!

CRAP JOB 6: EFL Teachers wanted - Williams College, London

Experience 1 year

DEGREE/CELTA QUALIFIED PART/FULL TIME EFL TEACHERS WANTED FOR A FRIENDLY ACCREDITED SCHOOL IN CENTRAL LONDON.

We welcome enthusiastic and friendly teachers who can see beyond the coursebook.

Compensation: CELTA qualified- from £10.30 per hour

Please send CV in WORD FORMAT to Anna Lal, Director of Studies, annalal@williamscollege.co.uk

No thanks, Anna. That looks like another 300-quid-a-week nightmare of a job. Maybe the prospect of dishing out parking tickets in sunny Leicester is becoming more attractive... But hang on - what's this?!

CRAP JOB 7: Senior Teacher / Internship Co-Ordinator - Kaplan International Colleges, Manchester

Experience: 5 years
Details: Minimum 15 hours contact teaching per week.
• This position has responsibility for ensuring the successful delivery of the GE programme to GE students in accordance with Kaplan Aspect’s standards by:
• Assisting the Director of Studies in the overall management of the Academic department.
• Monitoring and assisting GE students and helping them to derive the maximum benefit from their course.
• Working with the Academic Management team to ensure GE programmes are being taught to requirements and the course guidelines and syllabus are being adhered to.

• This position also has responsibility for ensuring the successful delivery of the OPUS, Internship and Paid Placement programmes in accordance with Kaplan Aspect’s standards by:
• Monitoring and assisting students and helping them to derive the maximum benefit from their course and placement.
• Being the primary point of contact for students requiring advice for any matter relating to work and/or placement needs and future plans and objectives.
• To take an active role in the development, promotion and quality cycle of work-related programmes both internally and in liaison with other Kaplan Aspect schools.
• To attend all UK-wide meetings as needed relating to work experience programmes.

Qualifications: DELTA or DipTESOL essential
First Degree Essential
Teacher Training Experience preferred
Interactive Whiteboard Experience preferred

Compensation
Salary £19,000 per annum

So, there you have it - from Kraplan, of course - a so-called 'management post' that demands a degree, post graduate teaching qualifications, and five years of experience. And it promises / threatens to send you all over the country to pursue their grubby aims of placing gullible foreigners in unpaid work. Can you beat that for fuggin' cheek!?

AND ... IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER.

Yes, that's right - IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER.

So, come and work in the UK Tefl scene -

IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER. IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER.


19 comments:

TEFL makes me feel like a secret agent. said...

Plus, as a parking attendant you get the added bonus of power and (some) respect.

I'm pretty sure you get a nice uniform with lapels and a hat alongside your 19k.

Oh, and after a stint as a parking attendant you'd probably find good career opportunities in the security industry- decent pay with benefits. Better than the opportunties at Kraplan anyway...

Alex Case said...

Mate of mine moved from one of the better paid Oxford Street schools to become an underground ticket attendant, despite having claustrophobia and so being unable to take the trains he sold tickets for. Got a big pay rise, loads of benefits, and joined a union that made sure loads more of the same were going to be on his way (if by unfairly exploiting their ability to bring London to a halt)

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Yep, it looks like it's all go for a career change, then. I feel like coming back to the UK and going into the B&B racket, housing poor African immigrants for a nice bundle from the council and the SS.

Or perhaps I should set my sights a little higher - I hear the 'repo man' business could be set for a big take-off soon. Sounds good, dunnit; 'Sandy's Tasteful Repossessions - give it back or we kick your teeth in'.

Urban School Teacher said...

Respect for traffic wardens? Really?! I can see the point you are making and, as someone who has had some TEFL experience in this country, I do agree that the pay seems to be universally inadequate.

ps: Enter the competition on my blog for your chance to win $5,000.

Clarence Rhodes said...

Interesting that some of the 'crap jobs' are London-based. Bear in ind that parking attendants in London earn around £22,000 plus another 20% in overtime, plus the absurdly generous public sector pension, sickness and holiday allowances which are paid for by the rest of us.

That means that, at a net level, London parking attendants are earning more than the proprietors of most London TEFL schools.

Truly, this is not a UK career to choose if you're the main income earner in your household. As a nice little part-time job, it does just fine.

Spare a thought for the failed proprietors of corrupt schools who have been delisted by the home office! Scraping by on a few EU students and a photo each day of a naked Russian tart! And a postcard from Barcelona every other Tuesday!

Our thoughts are with the afflicted at this difficult time.

Nothing Happens Slowly said...

A trainee nurse earns £25,840.

A trainee police officer (with 3 A levels) earns £27,690.

A junior manager in a Tesco superstore earns £32,467 plus 23% bonus.

My window cleaner earns £20,000 plus tips.

A probationer teacher in a secondary school earns £27,849.

A self-employed plumber with 2 years experience earns around £37,500.

Lingustic theory, anyone??

told you so said...

I'm about as anti immigration as it gets but I think a Brasilian cleaner contributes a lot more to the UK than a crappy efl teacher.
Close the schools, sack the teachers, get proper jobs

King John said...

YEs!! And go to work for Windsor English. . . no questions asked. . .cash in hand and a teabag every Tuesday. . . god bless TEFL otherwise I'd be working in Unwins.

The TEFL Tradesman said...

A cleaner could probably earn more than en EFL teacher, but who would want to do that job? Slumming it at Windsor English is probably a lot more preferable, PLUS you can laugh at Paul Lowe and watch him crack up.

Actually, NHS, I might try for a trainee manager's job at Tesco's when I (finally) get back to the UK. The salary looks OK, and think of all the stuff you could nick!

Shau Ryder said...

Aye, but Tesco's stuff is shit an' barely worth nickin'. Waitrose is alright though, if yer on the rob. Shoplifters unite an' all that. Morrissey said that. 'E were from Manny an' all.

Anonymous said...

a bit of investigation into london meridian college is needed...the salary offered is contact hours....i could tell some wonderful stories about them

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Right... Let me say first of all that there is nobody more annoying than some prat who tells me "i could tell some wonderful stories about them" and then goes on to say ... sweet FA. Spill the beans, matey! If they are copious and full of scandal, I'll give you a whole blog posting of your own.

E-mail's as usual: teflsandy@yahoo.ie. Look forward to hearing from you, erm, soonish, like.

Anonymous said...

not a prat...and would love to dish the dirt but am currently dependent on the company for statutory sick pay while i have treatment for cancer....so dont want to jeopardize anything

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Oh, right, now I see. Why didn't you say so, dear Anon.? Apologies for calling you a prat. And it's not often I apologise, as I'm sure you know.

Anyway, I do hope you get better and feel fully able to dish the dirt on Meridian before the cancer gets you and carries you off. That would be a real shame - and then you'd be a dead prat, which is no good to anybody!

Anonymous said...

would be to london meridian!!!!!

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Ooh, sarky, eh? Have I opened a can of worms here? Maybe they can cure the cancer, eh?!?

Anonymous said...

used to work as a security guard after came from kosovo.believe you me,you cunts,i used to do violence...

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Yeah, you're just a pussy, mate. I mean, which professional assassin goes under the name of 'anonymous', eh?

James Bond didn't, and I bet you're not even half as good as he was, eh?!

Anonymous said...

I worked for Anglophiles Academic - 'all of our teachers have self employed status', means working day and night for a set fee. In my case around £500 for two weeks working over 10 hours a day with no set schedule or day off. The only reason I stuck it was because I was worried about not getting paid anything at all at the end. We took a group of kids ice skating and one of them broke their wrist. I was told they did the same thing last year and had two kids with broken legs. They did our laundry and lost all of the managers clothes as well as mine. Run by a group of what looked like ex doormen.