AN EXCITING CAREER OPTION!!

Well, my last posting for 2009 presents a real career opportunity for many Teflers stuck in the miserable rut of UK TEFL right now. It's actually a job that requires no degree or former experience, not even a mickey-mouse TEFL certificate, and it pays just as badly as a regular Tefl gig. Don't believe me? Just read on...

Civil Enforcement Officer / Parking Attendant
Employer: ENFORCEMENT SKILLS
Posted: 25 Nov 2009
Contact: Lindsay Joyce
Location: East Midlands - Leicestershire
Industry: Government - Local government
Contract: Contract
Hours: Full Time
Salary: up to £9 per hour (i.e., £360 per week, £18,720 p.a.)

An excellent opportunity has arisen for an on and off street Parking Attendant based in Leicestershire. You will be patrolling car parks and public roads, enforcing traffic regulation orders, issuing lawful penalty charges and maintaining car park equipment. Candidate must have experience of enforcement. Experience of difficult people and challenging situations.
A full driving license is essential for the role.

Essential skill set & responsibilities:
•You must be available to work flexible hours.
•Must be hard working and able to use own initiative.
•Must be vigilant and have excellent attention to detail.

For more information about this role please contact Lindsay Joyce on 020 3119 3356 or send your CV to lindsay.joyce@redsnappergroup.co.uk.

Yes, that's right - it's a parking attendant's job. And it pays better than many of the crappy EFL jobs that you can find on tefl.com these days. In fact, if you have 'experience of enforcement and dealing with difficult people and challenging situations' - as surely every UK Tefler has - you might as well apply for it, as you'll be better off doing that than swallowing the following morsels of misguided Tefl nonsense...

CRAP JOB 1. TEFL tutor - Anglophiles Academic Ltd

Experience - Entry level

We are looking for energetic, dynamic and organized teachers to teach 12 hours a week, who are willing to teach classes in their homes and who are enthusiastic in organising activities for young students. The role requires the teacher to plan informative and fun lessons, to teach four 3-hour English classes on weekday mornings to groups of 4 students, to supervise and hopefully get involved in leisure activities in the afternoons (such as ice-skating and bowling) and to accompany students on one excursion during the course.

Applicants should live locally as accommodation is not provided. Please apply by sending a brief email to matthew@anglophiles.com, attaching a current CV.

Qualifications - We require candidates to be degree qualified or to possess a relevant TEFL qualification and/or experience.

Compensation - We offer competitive fees between £366 and £510 per course (8 days work) depending on qualifications and experience. Our teachers have self-employed status.

Anglophiles Academic Ltd
140-144 Freston Road
London, W10 6TR
Telephone: 0207 603 1466
Matthew Kendrick, Director of Studies

So there you go - 366 quid a week for what looks like a whole lot of work! At least it seems to be tax-free though ... maybe. What about the next one, though - surely it can't be worse?

CRAP JOB 2: English Language Instructors - Berlitz Manchester

Berlitz Manchester is looking for enthusiastic, dynamic individuals to join our ever expanding team of teachers. We provide General English classes to multi-lingual groups, although there is increasing demand for BEC and IELTS tuition. The position would suit candidates with an interest in professional development.You will be responsible for planning and delivering learner centred lessons based on a communicative teaching approach.

Please apply by email providing full details of qualifications and previous experience.
Qualifications - CELTA essential; DELTA desirable

Minimum of one year's teaching experience.
£10 per hour minimum

This rate is subject to increase dependent on committment to the company and level of teaching qualification.

Ooh, wow - ten quid an hour! So that might get you ... 300 quid a week?! Less than the parking attendant's job!! Anyway, who in their right mind would EVER want to work for Berlitz, anyway?

CRAP JOB 3: EFL teacher required - London Meridian College

Long established and stable school, accredited to the British Council and Tier 4 approved, has two teaching positions available, one in Archway and one in Oxford Street. But please read and understand details of the salary offered before you apply. We do not wish to waste our time and yours if you are looking for a better salary

£19,000 per annum up to level 5
£21,500 per annum level 6 upwards and IELTS.

The annual salary is based upon a 45 hour week, 52 weeks per year, although teaching staff are entitled to 28 days paid holiday. The salary quoted is reduced pro rata for shorter periods worked.

Please apply with a cv to tomoko@meridiancollege.co.uk

Qualifications - CELTA or equivalent

So, the money's a bit better, but it's a 45-hour week! I hope that's not contact hours, but something tells me ... nah, CAN'T be!!

CRAP JOB 4: EFL Teacher - Belgravia college, London

Belgravia College is looking for a qualified, enthusiastic and
reliable English language teacher, preferably with experience of
teaching exam classes and Business English. Candidates must have
CELTA, hold a university degree and be a native speaker of
English.

Compensation £10.00. Please email your CV to kate.stanis@belgraviacollege.co.uk

Ooh, fuck me - another ten quid an hour job? 300 smackers a week? Stick it up yer arse, Kate! Let's move on, shall we...

CRAP JOB 5: English Language Teacher - Richard Language College, Bournemouth

RICHARD LANGUAGE COLLEGE requires QUALIFIED AND EXPERIENCED TEACHERS
to teach English to speakers of other languages

Teacher applications please send full CV to:

The College Administrator
Richard Language College
43-45 Wimborne Road
Bournemouth BH3 7AB
Tel: +44 (0) 1202 555932
Email: collegeadmin@rlc.co.uk

Qualifications: Degree or equivalent + TEFL Certificate.
QTS (Primary and/or Secondary) is acceptable for certain courses.

01.01.10 > up to £325/week full time

Oh, shit - this one's just as bad! Only 325 quid a week OR LESS! In other words, much less than the poor old placer of parking tickets earns!! Surely things can't get worse ... can they?!

CRAP JOB 6: EFL Teachers wanted - Williams College, London

Experience 1 year

DEGREE/CELTA QUALIFIED PART/FULL TIME EFL TEACHERS WANTED FOR A FRIENDLY ACCREDITED SCHOOL IN CENTRAL LONDON.

We welcome enthusiastic and friendly teachers who can see beyond the coursebook.

Compensation: CELTA qualified- from £10.30 per hour

Please send CV in WORD FORMAT to Anna Lal, Director of Studies, annalal@williamscollege.co.uk

No thanks, Anna. That looks like another 300-quid-a-week nightmare of a job. Maybe the prospect of dishing out parking tickets in sunny Leicester is becoming more attractive... But hang on - what's this?!

CRAP JOB 7: Senior Teacher / Internship Co-Ordinator - Kaplan International Colleges, Manchester

Experience: 5 years
Details: Minimum 15 hours contact teaching per week.
• This position has responsibility for ensuring the successful delivery of the GE programme to GE students in accordance with Kaplan Aspect’s standards by:
• Assisting the Director of Studies in the overall management of the Academic department.
• Monitoring and assisting GE students and helping them to derive the maximum benefit from their course.
• Working with the Academic Management team to ensure GE programmes are being taught to requirements and the course guidelines and syllabus are being adhered to.

• This position also has responsibility for ensuring the successful delivery of the OPUS, Internship and Paid Placement programmes in accordance with Kaplan Aspect’s standards by:
• Monitoring and assisting students and helping them to derive the maximum benefit from their course and placement.
• Being the primary point of contact for students requiring advice for any matter relating to work and/or placement needs and future plans and objectives.
• To take an active role in the development, promotion and quality cycle of work-related programmes both internally and in liaison with other Kaplan Aspect schools.
• To attend all UK-wide meetings as needed relating to work experience programmes.

Qualifications: DELTA or DipTESOL essential
First Degree Essential
Teacher Training Experience preferred
Interactive Whiteboard Experience preferred

Compensation
Salary £19,000 per annum

So, there you have it - from Kraplan, of course - a so-called 'management post' that demands a degree, post graduate teaching qualifications, and five years of experience. And it promises / threatens to send you all over the country to pursue their grubby aims of placing gullible foreigners in unpaid work. Can you beat that for fuggin' cheek!?

AND ... IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER.

Yes, that's right - IT PAYS ABOUT THE SAME AS A PARKING ATTENDANT'S JOB IN LEICESTER.

So, come and work in the UK Tefl scene -

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