Saturday, December 5, 2009

The TEFL World vs Bruce

Hey, who is that pudgy tourist alongside? Could it possibly be ... Bruce Veldhuisen, of Tefl International? Yeah, for it IS he! In fact, Bruce has asked me to allow him to set the record straight regarding people who make false allegations on internet forums - not the sort of thing that I would ever consider, by the way. After all, I've got this dirty great blog to make all the accusations that I want, ain't I?!

Actually, I quite like Bruce, as he reminds me of myself a wee bit - more maverick than shyster, I would say (others might disagree, I know). So, it's over to you Bruce. I take it the cheque's in the post and won't get lost? I mean, I can TRUST you, can't I?!


I am a very bad man. I know it because I read all about it on the internet. And yesterday was the day when the TEFL world could give me my come come-uppance. When I would finally be put in my place.

It all started five years ago when I made a very bad decision. I became partners with two, um, 'gentlemen'. After a few months they took the money and ran, leaving me looking rather foolish. If things had just finished there, that would probably be the end of the story. But these fine 'gentlemen' couldn’t stop. One of them tried to register the name of my TEFL course, TEFL International, and even sat straight faced, in a meeting with the Ministry of Education, and claimed he was the founder of the organization, not me.

Then I made a very big mistake. I went to the police and filed criminal charges against these … 'gentlemen'.

BTW, have you ever heard of a little website called teflwatch? It’s gone now, but for over a year these same gentlemen and a few of their friends accused me of every dastardly deed in the book. It started when someone named Paul accused me of not paying him his salary. Now the fact that Paul had never worked for me and that he was, in fact, the best friend of RH (one of the 'gentlemen') did not seem to in any way reduce his credibility. Then 'RH', 'Fair', and 'Freedom Fighter' began piling on. Accusing me of literally hundreds of unsubstantiated crimes against TEFL and TEFL kind! My wife. My kids. Nothing was safe. Every few months I would receive an Email claiming that the attacks would stop if the criminal charges were dropped.

The discussion went on for over a year and included over 110 pages of posts. And, amazingly, every other website that discussed TEFL quoted the discussion extensively. It was now on dozens of sites. In no uncertain terms, I was a pariah. One blogger said I was one of the three people he would never want to meet—and he worked in Japan were I have never even been! You can still find quotes from teflwatch, quotes about how bad I am, on many websites.

But the 18th of November was a very big day. Why? Because it was they day that anyone could come in and discredit me. They had one full day—eight hours—and they could present virtually anything negative about me in court. Certainly they could produce quite a bit. After all they accused me of at least 20 illegal activities in 111 pages of attacks. THOUSANDS of posts.

So there I was, in court, ready to take my medicine. I had already been shopping for orange jump suits and trash collecting equipment ("The TRS3000, the ultimate in trash collecting hardware, with graphite tongs for easy gripping"), ready to accept an appropriate punishment. After all, these guys seemed so SURE I was a bad guy. I had read so many things about me I was starting to believe it myself! And if you can’t believe someone hiding behind a fake name on the internet, who CAN you trust?

Sitting in the courtroom, I noticed the three people in the front. One seemed embarrassed. The other seemed angry, and the third seemed bemused. It was the judge who was angry because Fair, RH and the gang had failed to show up to court. His attorney was quite embarrassed and my attorney thought the whole thing was pretty funny. Fair's lawyer begged for a postponement, but the judge would have none of it, The opportunity for the TEFL world to put me in my place had been wasted.

Could it POSSIBLY be that the whole thing was just a load of total rubbish?? No, because guys who post under false names on the internet can always be trusted. Riiiiight...

Now the charges I filed are still pending. RH has disappeared and the police are still seeking him for questioning. There is a warrant out for the arrest of Fair. But I have a feeling that this will never make it to those websites out there, nor will the fact that they had no case against me and that, in reality, these few “gentlemen” just made the whole thing up. I am certain it will not be read by the thousands of people who are already certain that I am a very bad man.

Or will Sandy prove me wrong?


What, me? When have I ever been able to prove anything?! I just spread nasty rumours and hope that the shit sticks! But in this case, I'm happy to put the record straight - or at least, unbend it a little bit. Now let's wait for the comments to accrue underneath, shall we?

BTW, if you have no idea about Bruce and his 'notorious' Tefl empire, have a read of the link below...


Clarence Rhode said...

Paul, Mark and Bruce - the TEFL triplets.

Anonymous said...

Surely a shade too harsh, dear Clarence? Like we said before, more maverick than flim-flam man.

Angielski said...

Accusations, and dirty lies, another classic TEFL story!

But seriously Bruce, I admire your determination to see this thing through despite all the crap thrown at you.

Your attitude is exactly what everone needs to survice in our profession.

King John said...

'what erverone needs to survice'

Classic. That really sums it up.

I'm going back to Windsor English.

Fat Jackie said...

Oh, shut up both of you - you're a right pair of cunts!

King John said...

Too late, Paul has taken me back.

I'm on £15 an hour plus one teabag a day. No contract, because the handshake says it all. And if I see a hedgehog in the garden, I can eat it.

Stand by for some inside info on the mighty corporation.

Clarence Rhode said...

Lizard men will take over the earth and install mass spectrum devices to influence our brains. I have proof of this. Also, Windsor English is the best quality language school in the Slough area. This is the truth. Arnold Ashley can fly like a bat and breathe underwater. Bruce Velderheuzen wears green socks for a reason, which is that aliens can see him. I am a TEFL teacher. British Council is an anagram of 'Cosy triptych' which refers to the paintings of Da Vinci, who was descended from TEFL teachers. This is why he came to Britain - to Glastonbury - to found a school and an investment company.

Be careful of all these people - they have the police in their pockets - they can bug your phone and ruin your whiteboard on Monday morning.

The TEFL Tradesman said...

KJ - you mean THE mighty corporation? The Windsor Empire? I can't wait - don't keep me in suspense! I bet PL has got himself accredited by Spar, or Paki Conrner Shops Ltd - something like that, eh?

CR - I'm beginning to suspect you mght just be PL himself, but in disguise (as a lizard, perhaps?). Or maybe you've been taking those pills a little too long, eh? Anyway, can I have some?

mrs n said...

God what a boring post and totally autophageous. Bruce V is lucky he managed to avoid Mr No smoke without fire mcmanus

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Well fuck me, mrs n - autophageous?! Are you sure?! I guess you must have been a medical student at one time. It took me a good few minutes to find its definition, which is 'self-consuming' (as in cannibalistic?).

So, are you saying, in a round-about way, that Bruce is full of himself? Surely not!

mrs n said...

Anyone intelligent would know what it means. As in TV nowadays is autophageous and feeds on itself to reproduce nonsense.
Sit up at the back there Mcm and learn some English

The TEFL Tradesman said...

OK, mrs n - I can take the flak! Anyway, have I ever tried to pass myself off as even half intelligent? I am an EFL teacher after all, so come on!!

mr n (husband) said...

low intelligence = only get crap job = crap life = saddo

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Perhaps then, my dear mr n, you would like to enlighten us as to your role and status in society?

And what are you doing sitting at your computer at 7:30 in the morning? In the office already - or having brekky at your computer?

Mmm, saddo indeed...

mr n said...

I am a man of many talents- international artist and entrepreneur, ie loads of money and integrity (or what passes for it in tefl dens)
and married to beautiful mrs n with 6 perfect children.
so there fuckface
me rich and good, you poor and crap