Tuesday, December 1, 2009

November Poll Results - It's a Walkover!

Those of you who can remember things as long back as last month might be itching to see the results of the Tefl Tradesman's November Poll. I am, of course, and as ever, more than happy to oblige, especially when I can gloat over the findings, which are as follows:

NOVEMBER POLL: Whose interests do the British Council and English UK serve via their accreditation processes?

The choices were three, and the results, garnered from a wide selection of almost 50 EFL professionals in the UK, denote a clear victory to the realist camp. An overwhelming majority of above 80% adhere to the established view that BC and English UK are just a bunch of cunts who rip off Britain's hard-working EFL teachers! Look, it says so here...

They look after just the employers, and screw the teachers.
39 (82%)
They serve the interests of both the teachers and the employers in roughly equal measure.
7 (14%)
They look after the teachers and ignore the employers.
1 (2%)

In pie-chart form, I am happy to present the findings as such...

As you can see, that little slice of orangey-red represents the seven retards who somehow believe that the BC and English UK display an equitable approach to both employers and employees. Who are these mad fuckers? Which planet do they live on?!

More interesting is that slim slither of yellow (how appropriate!), which is the result of just ONE Tefler believing that the function of the two baddies in question is to advance teachers' interests. This vote was achieved, apparently, by English UK's Mark Rendell delivering a particular oral service to a drunken Tefler in the toilets at the Slug and Lettuce, Notting Hill. But don't quote me on that, will you...

Right, now we've got that little item sorted, who's got any ideas for a December Poll?


Martin Heal said...

Dear Mr McManus

Please be so kind as to correct your false statement that this school pays its staff £9 only per hour [see 'Crap Jobs' listings alongside]. This has never been the case since my period of tenure began 3 years ago.

Yours sincerely

Martin Heal
School Manager
East London School of English

The TEFL Tradesman said...

When I asked Martin Heal just how much he paid his teachers nowadays, suggesting it might be nearer eight than nine, this is the pompous twaddle I got back...

Dear Mr Mc Manus

It does not behove an aggrieved party to disprove a falsehood. Furthermore it would be entirely inappropriate for this company to disclose confidential staffing contractual obligations to any third party.

If you have not done so already, please remove the incorrect reference to this school forthwith.

Yours sincerely

Martin Heal
School Manager
East London School of English

What a pompous TWAT!! I bet his school is a whole bunch of laughs to work at, eh?!

mario said...

Maybe - but he does have a point doesn't he. What fucking business is it of yours?
How much do you get paid and who are your employers?
No thought not
Who is the twat now? eh?

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Hi 'mario'. What business is it of mine? Plenty. I don't like shysters who pay crap wages - not even shysters who display a rather odious cultivated pomposity, such as Martin Heal does. After all, EFL IS my business!

Actually, I was a touch unfair in referring to him as a 'pompous twat', I do admit that. In fact, he's a total dickhead. I've spoken to him on the phone, and laughed at his plummy-but-false RP accent.

And take a look at him here -


I mean, what other words can you think of to describe him, but 'pompous', 'twat', 'dickhead', etc? Perhaps we could start by making a list below, eh?

Anonymous said...

I would like to volunteer these two:



mario said...

Well - let's have a look at your photo so we can call you knob, fudge packer and asshole.
No photo?
No thought not
coward, gobshite - shall I go on?
Give me your number and I'll have a chat with you so we can listen to your regional vowels and other working class bollocks

The TEFL Tradesman said...

My dear 'mario' - you don't need to have a photo of me to call me knob and fudge-packer, etc. Just go ahead and abuse me - I'm well-accustomed to it by now!

Anyway, what's wrong with that photo of me top left? You see, I really am a wolf-man...

As for my regional w/c vowels, why should they interest you? I take it you have some linguistic interest in my local and class-rooted speech, no? Or are you just being an awkward cunt?

Anyway, give this number a ring: 00 99412 430 3396, and ask for Sandy, if you really fancy a little chat...

mario said...

I looove this site. To see all you small-timers biting each other's asses.
There must be some logic to your numbskullism about linguistics - but why can't you understand how much we all hate you working class/middle class losers?

I'd ring but somehow I don't think it worth the 50p

mari ho ho ho said...

My prime motivation in life is to rub their little snotty noses in the shit to show them how much they are worth. God I hate wafflers, I mean teflers

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Ooh, mary-o, I see you got back early from the pub. Or do they close early on Fridays in the Cheltenham / Gloucester area?

BTW, do you agree that 'Wired for Sound' was one of Cliff's finest moments? Can't beat it, I reckon...

mariooooooooooooooo said...

Cheltnam gloster - great places. This fellow seems to think the address of an isp tells him where someone lives. Haw Haw Haw.
I, that's the big me live in Devon - home of the brave and no sand niggers thankfully

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Yes, I do admit I tend to believe everything that the site meter tells me. Maybe you're one of those snidey little cunts from the Devon School of English in Paignton, eh?

As for 'sand-niggers' - shame on you! Nobody in the Gulf uses that term, 'towel-head' or perhaps 'sand-monkey' being preferred.

Now fuck off down the pub again, you Torbay dimwit!

Brian Hawthorne said...

Who gives a fuck what people in the gulf say? I am de big boss of Devon School of English. No polite requests from me to shut up, no defence against accusations just a big fuck off and what you gonna do about it? Give my staff a call? waste your money? go ahead.
None of our customers read your sand based nonsense.

Love Brian

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Nice to hear from you again, Brian. How are those awful stuck -up little wankers that you call your children doing these days, eh?

If my kids ever follow my footsteps into EFL, I'd be very disappointed indeed. But you appear to be quite happy about it. Is it because you're a nutter? Or are your smirky little kids truly unemployable elsewhere?

ken edwards said...

I am Ken Edwards, ARTIST and WRITER, and efl teacher and what you have written about me liking Russian girls and cheating on my wife is not true. YOU, Mcmanus are an asshole