Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Negative Outcome Oriented Schemas and How to Avoid Them.

Fuck me - again?! I can't now remember just how many times I have been given the bum's rush from Dave's ESL Cafe. I think the last time was early last year, when I was dished out a dose of 'summary justice' for the alleged crime of posting the content of a PM - that's 'private message' to the uninitiated. The fact that the content I posted was written by myself was apparently irrelevant to the case. No appeals are allowed on Dave's.

So when I got a PM a few weeks back telling me off for daring to raise the question of just why one of my apparently innocent postings had been deleted by ''the mods' (the moderators), I responded in the most appropriate fashion. I told 'the mod' to "Piss off". And I called him a "dickhead". Well, that upset him, I guess, as I got the message you can see in the graphic - "You have been banned from this forum".

Not that it upsets me at all. In fact, this whole issue of getting the metaphorical bullet from one of Dave Sperling's little mods is just a cunning ruse to lead you to the real meat of this blog posting, namely that there is an excellent piece of ripping satire available there on the UAE forum, which you should find here. And it wasn't me wot wrote it - no mate, not at all, I'm afraid!

Just scroll down to the entry by scrog_420, and you'll see a priceless parody of vacuous educational newspeak, concerning the buzzwords of the day to parrot at a job interview. I almost peed myself with laughter when I read it, and I sincerely hope that you'll do the same. And just as a teaser, here's a couple of examples...

6. To succeed at HCT, you must embrace, you must love, you must worship technology. Remember, there is no such thing as too much educational technology. Remember that nothing counts if you cannot put an “e-” in front of it. Speak frequently, therefore, of “e-action plans” and “e-metacognitive paradigms”. Even better, speak of your “e-action plan to create e-student-centered e-metacognitive paradigms”.

7. Try to use as much educational jargon as possible. If you work a bit into an interview or discussion, those listening will be impressed because they will assume you know what it means and won’t dare reveal that they don’t by asking what it means. You should speak frequently of the need to...

• generate collaborative objectives
• aggregate outcome-based paradigms
• enable inquiry-centered schemas
• cultivate technology-enhanced interfaces
• exploit integrated technologies

The saddest thing is - it's absolutely true!


vilges suola said...

Shit and corruption, Sandy, you are such a bleeding cynical cunt, why in fuck can't you just be NICE instead of using bad words like 'dick head'? Of COURSE you need to be student-centred, or that Australian bloke whose name I can't remember will go out of business, and I won't have anything to say to my Athenian trainees week after next. Fuck's sake.

leon c said...

Sandy, I don't understand why you even bother with such dross that is he of D's ESL cafe!? Getting banned is surely a badge of honour - how many is it now? Do you hold the record? Perhaps a chart pf who can get banned the most would be far more enlightening!?

The TEFL Tradesman said...

OK, I take your point, Vilges. There are vested interests at work here, as well shirtless ones, and we should really be careful. But I'm such a reckless git, as you know.

As for you, Leon - of course I see it as another trophy to cherish and tell my grandchildren about. But I've lost count now - must be more than a dozen, I reckon though...

Anonymous said...

Yep, I'm currently banned from Dave's for a mildly humorous aside adjudged off-topic. I'm sure if I wrote to the admin asking why I'd be told and then reinstated, but I really can't be arsed anymore. It's more a loss to them as I was always as helpful as possible answering questions about the country where I currently teach.

A particularly puritanical and humourless bunch, IMHO.

The TEFL Tradesman said...

"puritanical and humourless"? I'd beg to differ - they're more like a bunch of stuck-up self-aggrandising cunts who think they're God's gift to the Tefl trade.

If only they knew how unimportant they really are!

I'm the farmer said...

never speak disrespectfully of real people Anus, only those who are fucked in the head do that