The Alice in Wonderland EFL Coffee Shop

Curses! Dammit! Just when I thought I had completed a masterfully irresistible lampoon of a certain well-known and contemporary Tefl guru, what goes and bloody happens? I lose the bloody thing. So come on - who stole my memory stick? I mean, all those hours of hard graft I'd put in at work when I was supposed to be teaching, and some little scrote goes and swipes it ... There's no justice in the world, is there?

Or whatever. So here's what has to be then - one from the archives (again) of my former Tefl Trade blog (RIP, PBUH)). In fact, it's not at all offensive, just designed to give you a giggle or two. Anyway, don't send your application to ME, please, but to the evil madman mentioned below - Dr Kim, the Fu Man Chu of EFL!! (And just where IS Dr Kim these days? His e-mail address has expired, so has he too??)

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The Alice in Wonderland Coffee Shop, Amsterdam

Due to the departure of a difficult staff member, Amsterdam's unique Alice in Wonderland Coffee Shop is looking to fill the following position:-

Part-Time EFL Instructor/Bar Attendant.

Come and join our international team of instructor-servers in our thematic interactive interior!

Originally opened in 1972 by an American hippie-refugee, our coffee-shop sells the finest marijuana and hashish, and has been ranked as the #1 smoke shop by various US student travel guides.

Due to rising demand, in 2005 we began offering short-term English language study in tutorial settings to overseas students.

We offer a 20-hour workload, plus free accommodation in our adjacent guesthouse.

• Application requirements:-
• RSA Diploma (or CELTA will do)
• A customer-friendly attitude
• Must be a smoker
• Theatrical training (but no prima-donnas)
• Knowledge of various rock bands from 1965 to 1974

The job is suitable for all genders; male, female or mixed/doubtful.

The job duties will include the following:-

• Teaching English in tutorial settings, and designing ways to implicitly promote world knowledge of progressive rock music
• The applicant must be willing (and able) to maintain the psychology and appearance of Alice 24/7; in the coffee shop, in the guest house, and in the street, as our teachers actively promote our products and services throughout the city.
• Two days per month are designated 'Alice-free' days.

As this is a challenging position, two people may share the job (but not the same person). However, both will be responsible for ensuring that Alice attire is worn at all times. Any violation of this rule will result in the immediate dismissal of both parties.

Short-listed applicants will be invited to Amsterdam to provide a teaching demonstration while under the influence of our famous 'SuperSkunk'. This is in order to test the applicant's endurance and suitability for the post.

The Alice in Wonderland Coffee Shop is a fun but challenging working environment. Even some of our most well-adjusted employees have lost their minds.

We actively participate in Dr Kim Min Su's avant garde research into the effects of bong-smoking and language acquisition, via our integrated 'Ganja, Grammar and Giggles' course.

For more information about the above post, please contact our representative for international hiring, the visionary Dr Kim Min Su, at the address below.

Kim_min_su@hotmail.com

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So, there you go - don't say I never try to be positive on this blog! It's nice to be able to 'turn somebody on' to something good once in a while, innit, eh?!

Meanwhile, here's a picture I found on the web of the Course Co-ordinator for the above 'Ganja, Grammar and Giggles' course. I can't recall his name - and neither can he!