Monday, August 1, 2011

Six Weeks in Chokey!

So how can I possibly explain my sudden and unexpected absence? Suffice to say I was obliged to spend a few weeks entertaining the lads in a certain establishment of Her Majesty, not too dissimilar to the pristine hallways of the residential institution pictured alongside. And of course, the offer of free food and lodgings, together with the chance of a little homegrown whacky baccy (courtesy of Mr Screw) to help while away those long summer evenings, is not to be sniffed at, is it?

Anyway, I had NO IDEA that selling 'genuine replica IELTS certificates'on the internet was a crime - really, I didn't! I just looked on it as a small source of extra tax-free revenue, and doing my least capable students a little favour when they couldn't quite hit the high notes. Shame, really ... and it was all going so well.

Anyway, now that I am back (released at 13:00 hours today) I can confirm that the normal disservice to the Tefl Trade will be resumed soon. In fact, I have a couple of neat stories concerning BC and several crappy summer school employers to share with you.

But not the whacky baccy - I ain't sharing that!


TEFL SecretAgent said...

WTF? Is this real? I can't believe it's ILLEGAL to sell genuine replica certificates. This shit is crazy. A perfect testament to Cameron's crazy government.

He's sending us all back to communism if a young, bright entrepreneur can't make a few bob on the side selling a product on the free market!

And what are all the budding, but lazy, new English teachers going to do? Make their own certificates? I think not!

Fight the Power!

Eve said...

@SecretAgent - Read carefully. This blog post is obviously encoded. "'genuine replica IELTS certificates'on the internet"

genuine = fake
replica = assembled bags
IELTS certificates = narcotics
on the internet = on the street

Obviously, dude tried to sell some "genuine" baby powder or something to some undercover narc, which explains why it was only a six-week sentence and not six years.

But let this little incident be a warning to us all:

EFL teachers are obviously going to have to think of better, more clever ways of supplementing their incomes.


Anonymous said...

Actually, he was doing a summer school course for his old boss in Windsor and thought that saying he'd been in jail sounded less embarrassing.

Colonel Bogey said...

Could this be Sandy's site:

I just googled 'genuine replica ielts certificate' and turned up trumps!


Despite your self-styled moniker, it seems that you would BENEFIT from EN LIGHT ENMENT as to the true nature of the TEFL TRADE>

let me assist

1. At the highest echelons, we have the visionaries, the mystic, the geniuses. these are they who attended mostly PRIVATE SCHOOLS and retain a certain charm and raffish charisma alongside their MARK OF GENIUS!! Of course they are misunderstood.

2. A long way below we have the WILLING DONKEYS< they who labour and with luck become 'senior teacher ' or DOS or some such claptrap.

3. below that you find the hideous lumpentefler - she/he who makes a sad lifes work from a 4 week certificate course, always waiting for the big break 9the NOVEL<THE FILM< the IDEA that never quite works out...........some of these dolts grow to 40 or 50 years before collapse

4. The vile substrata includes the blogger/the twitterer/the journo
they are content to spread LIES and FOULNESS to all and SUNDERLAND

Rest assured i have your NAMES and I spend MUCH TIME interpreting your comments for my final ineluctuation


Whose the winner now, TEFL BOY???!????

Clarence Rhode said...

Is 'ineluctuation' a word?

Leigh Millward said...

@Colonel Bogey - Sanjay does sound a little like Sandy ;) Maybe you're right!

@Eve - hmmm, different ways to supplement our incomes? I'm going to try exotic dancing, I'll let you know how it goes :)


@irrelevant tefl donkeys

when a centrifuge expands it becomes a deluge THIS IS KNOWN. When a deluge evolves it becomes a refuge HA that IS A FACT___----{{

Vis a vis the CYCLE, you are so far behind the curve these days.It's pathetic really.

Keep staggering on, a few years left maybe.

You are, substantially, irrelevant to my dialectic anyway. DOS in 5 years, then chief vending machine manager?? OR Maybe your movie idea will work out!!! I Think not, sweetness.

There is one BRAIN controlling all this (adjacent to front door) and therefore ONE MIND ONLY
Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Equinox soon, then solstice. And thence the INELUCTABLE night itself. SCARED?? You Should bE.

ELLIPTIC said...

cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail cant fail wont fail



The TEFL Tradesman said...

Yes, Paul - don't let up on that medication now, will you!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like one of the dodgier summer schools to me. I no longer do them so given Italian state school timetables I'm in the middle of 3 months enforced indolence.

It's OK about the baccy though - I'm a temple to health myself and foreswear it. Now where did I leave the temple libations...