Sunday, August 7, 2011

Crap Jobs, British Council style...

Yes, it looks like the British Council is really scraping the barrel recruitment-wise. One of their recent adverts proudly claims a need for 10 newly-qualified Tefl twerps for Cairo – no experience needed at all!!

Of course, there was a time when BC only accepted highly experienced and well-qualified teachers, but now a greenhorn – no, TEN greenhorns! – will have the lucky chance of being inducted into the BC House of Horrors. As the advert states...

No post-certificate experience is needed; this programme is for teachers without the two years experience we usually ask for.

To which we have to ask ... why? Maybe, just possibly, there’s a financial reason lurking behind all this. After all, the salary is a measly 1100 quid a month, and there’s NO accommodation allowance – so you can kiss a lot of that money goodbye immediately. Mind you, there is the very heart-warming promise of “Assistance provided in finding accommodation plus reasonable time off in first two weeks for this purpose”. There you go – that’s BC being generous for you!

And they’ll have you work your butt off for them too – teaching up to 20 hours a week in the first six months, and then the standard 25.

Of course, if that’s not bad enough for you, try this other one, in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. It’s allegedly a ‘local contract’, which is why it offers no baggage allowance or airfare at all – and no accommodation allowance either! But of course, if you just happen to be there already...

As the advert admits, “For a poor country, Tanzania is surprisingly expensive.” So trying to live on the measly BC salary of LESS than 1000 quid a month (in a declining local currency) might be very difficult indeed.

So, does anybody else have any Crap Jobs from the BC camp? Sandy would be very interested in checking them out, seeing as he’s got a LOT of free time on his hands right now!


TeflSecretagent said...

I love the picture! I'll keep my eye open in Poland for shit BC jobs... keep posted...

Anonymous said...

Where were they advertising this local contract job in Tanzania?

Stan Cruddy said...

It was advertised on the web, I believe - and on the BC website.


FOULNESS begets foulness
As the whelk BEGETS the whelk stall


Let me make it clearosil


NOW is it clear??


How can I put it for you to COMPRENDY

Screw up yer ears, chavster:

The redacted heterodux of the offcut misanthrope is all that can be dispensed via YOUR misabused alignment of the HIDEOUS with the ARCHITRAVE

JAW drops with awe

I think they GEDDIT

Not too diffikult woz it??


behold the carbonundrum waffle behold the visigoth of the displaced the entrophy of the inane
AND tucky burgers FOR THE foxes



O the mighty flighter the wingerd BEARDED ONE descending from the VAPITUDES of the ineluctable to SHED LIHGHT upon the TRANSLUCENT MEMBRANE of the petty wrangling with which YOU fill the MANGLED HULK of your IDIOT EXISTENCE
yea and cease your PREENING your posturing your CANTINg cosdswallop

THERE IS NONE SO entrammeled that the architrave shall not ENLIGHTEN him

Clarence Rhode said...

That £3.99 Rioja has some explaining to do.


Oh YES the drop of orpheus well I DO PARTAKE as many writers AT MY LEVEL OF THE SPECTRUM also did per ejemplum

Hemingway was a boozer
Yeats liked a guiness
Albert Camus liked a sniff of the barmaids apron
And the other one the yank grapes of wrath and all that he was a right piss artist

WHAT GOOD COMPANY i keep compared to the likes of YOU you degenerate left wing sociopath
To BE an artist takes pluck and VERVE and sheer panache - something you SADLY lack, TEFLER

MARIA said...

Please, I wish be english teacher for you. Attach my CV resume and photo. Please give helpful thought to my project. I wish earn in London please and no Eastbourne no.
Very attentive in all thing

Maria Lourdes del Gracia Camina

Unimpeachable said...

Yessssssss Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Fly south you batsssssssss
Feel the malignant architrave of your neerdowell delphic carbonundrum
Vince McShane I know who you ARE!!!

Anonymous said...

Maria, I reckon you should approach the Manchester School of English - they should be very happy to employ you!

MARIA said...

Yes is good that what you say.

Unemploy so high here in Spain is to high. is because of bloody french and GERMAN! I spit on EURO pah pah pah and again PAH!!!

i say a pray for you this night in capella and hope to have TEFL working but soon, no late but soon

Most attentive in all thing

Your devoted communicant

Maria Lourdes del Gracia Camina

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Poor, poor tefl teachers, having to work in an entry level position which pays more than some jobs in the UK would. 1000 quid per month is not bad for most countries in the world. I've lived on less working in professional esl jobs, and let me tell you, it wasn't a bad lifestyle.

Financial aspects aside, the fact that the BC is being honest about whether or not they're looking for experience in a role strikes me as a very good thing. Acknowledging that that's what they're doing upfront means they're much more likely to provide said newbies with adequate training and support, rather than just chucking them in the deep end.

As for your canny observation that less experienced people are cheaper to hire, and easier to attract to poor countries - what a deep, insightful observation. I'm sure most job hunters couldn't have worked that one out for themselves. Thanks for saving us all from exploitation by correcting our ignorance about how the world works.

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Oh dear, I seem to have ruffled the dear little feathers of some BC parrot, I mean bureaucrat!

Why, could it possibly be that BC are having problems recruiting for their crappy underpaying Tefl jobs? Surely not...

Anonymous said...

BC's decline into becoming the employer to avoid has been rapid - you mentioned the TZ gig- A typical BC contract - millions of dFID quid (tax payer). Dreadful materials in development phase rolled as as complete...teachers doing midnight runs- and that was a good gig compared to the farce in malaysia- In Also in the Sub Saharan region, one senior teacher was bragging aboutgenerating a $700,000 surplus from a British MOD contract of One million the real world that would be theft- of course when the teachers got to there posts- no dictionaries, etc etc- one post had no functioning toilet! I could go on, having listened to my friends complaints whenever she returns from one of these gigs- It turns out there is a simple road to glory in the BC

Here is they way to get ahead in the BC - once you have clawed your way out of the classroom (why is it that BC has so litle respect for teachers?- you should hear the managers talking when they think you are out of earshot) and you've got yourself your fist mid manager post and want to get higher, here is what you need to do(seriously, this works- my friend can name 4 peeps who have done this over the last few years)
1. Land a big contract 6- 8 months before you leave.
2. Promise the client whatever it takes to land the contract-
3 then at your interview for the big one, bragg about how much 'surplus' you will generate with the project
4. Have the support of a manager who can coach you on the interview
5. - land the job- and the next poor fool cleans up after you -

So why not take that shitty job in Cairo? If you dont really care about language or teaching, but want a job that will one day get you a dip passport - this is the easiest route for those lacking any talent except the machiavalian kind.... So yes, the BC parrot (above) is right- this is a great opportunity for someone - as long as they dont really care about teaching.... what a shame this once rather wonderful bit of the British mission turned into this .... ah well, back to international house I guess...