Tuesday, August 30, 2011

'CrapJobs!' for an Indian Summer!

I would like to offer my sincere apologies for this belated battering of summer school ‘Crap Jobs!’, but adverse circumstances put themselves in my way. If you had the misfortune to walk into one of these nightmare jobs, paying 'Indian-style' wages, please leave a comment below and apprise us of your personal horror!

First up is the Eckersley School of Oxford, a dignified Tefl institute that, according to the advert on tefl.com, “has a long history of learning and teahing” [sic]. Clearly, though, the school has no extended background in correct spelling or proofreading. It also claims that “many of our staff have a long history with the school”, which probably means in excess of six months.

Anyway, this outfit was offering Celta-belters a mighty £13.60 per hour for 21 hours of classroom capering, resulting in an impressive weekly paycheck of ... 285 quid!! In my view, any Tefl job that pays less than 300 quid a week is still living in the 1990s, when it was possible to earn that sum for the usual timetable of 25 contact hours per week.

If you’re interested in making an early application for next year’s round of summer shenanigans, try contacting the Academic Manager, Jackie Halsall, on 01865 721268. I’m sure she’d be happy to lie through her teeth and kid you what a wonderful experience the whole things is!

Next in the queue of awful summer employers stand the infamous cheapskates OISE, who were offering a measly 280 quid for 22.5 hours of intensive classes in small groups, which works out as less than 12.50 an hour!! In admission of this truly derisory financial offering, the tefl.com advert proudly states that “Newly-qualified teachers are welcome, and will be supported.” Clearly no experienced teacher would consider going near the place, then.

In my experience this company are exceedingly shifty. So the statement that “Contracts generally offer ... some leisure supervision in the afternoon on a rota basis” needs to be treated with extreme caution, as there’s no mention of any payment for these rota duties. The same goes for this – “There is a Saturday excursion, for which supervision duties are available on a voluntary basis for extra payment”. This ‘extra payment’ is a mere £50.00, which is around minimum wage level!

Still interested in this ritual humiliation? Well, please call 01865 258323 and ask to speak to Duncan Jamieson, the ‘Academic Mangager’ [sic], who also appears to have a problem with his English.

Last up is the well-loathed Devon School of English, who are already familiar to readers of the pages of this blog. This bunch of shysters were offering a true financial slap in the face – 299 quid a week (the same they were paying in Easter 2009), from which they deduct £35 to cover your accommodation!

The thoroughly obnoxious Bret Hawthorne is the boy to contact here, on 01803 559718, if you’d like to pre-book this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

So there it goes – or went, rather. But perhaps you had an even worse wage or experience this summer. Feel like sharing it with us? Please do!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have one thing to say: EF.

Truly, truly awful...

DAUNTLESS said...

Vince McShane AKA VINCE THE PRINCE

AGE 31
Nationality: British (W MIDlands)
Appearance: utterly banal and TATTY

EDUCATION: Glamorgan Boys School
University of Aston (not completed of course) (DOLT WAS rustificated)

WORK HIstory: Failure after fiasco following COCK UP
Was offered opportunity to PROVE HIMSELF at Oxford branch of PRESTIGOUS SOUTH EAST based language corporation BUT HE blew it GUYS ANd gALS

INTERESTED in BATS and BAT preservation
IATEFL BAT SIG group organiser
Thoroughly proletarian and DECREPIT in outlook UNLIKE SOME

VINCE BOYO EVER get the feeling youve BEEN RUMBLED???????????

DONT BAT AN EYELID said...

VINCE MAcshane (aka McShane aka Vince the Mince) has used his expertise in bat preservation to intimidate and depress THE INDUSTRY LEADERS

To wit (TO WHO???!) he subverted an IATEFL SIG SESSION by dressing as a bat and dangling upside DOWN from the chandaliers at NOVOTEL ALICANTE in 2007 the BASTARD sang ribald songs about THE GURU OF TEFL (that is ME) and even had the audaci temari bloody nerve to light a 'jazz cigarrette ' and PUFF AWAY while describing MY PHYSICALITY!!
little fucker got what was coming to him.
Now he loiters (right side UP??) on the fringes of the TEFL industry and mocks without comprehension.
He is, in essence, an irrelevant knobhead and I do NOT SPEND time worryingh about him.

UNTOUCHABLE said...

deleted you VINCE from my cognisance you irrelevant twisted weirdo
Dressing as a bat - is that clever?
History WILL DECIDE
BTW i have your facebook DETAILS and NOW I am tracking YOU not vice versa
How woz BIARRITZ out of season - ENUFF TO DO??
How duz it feel BOYO - CRAP YAH???

Oliver Twist said...

Get back in yer box, Paul - or is it 'Pablo', now, eh?!

Anonymous said...

Don´t forget to get your holiday pay included when you pick up your summer school wages... OISE usually ´forget´to do this...

Clarence Rhode said...

Makes me yearn for those Windsor School days: cash in hand on a Friday afternoon and help yourself to any bottles left over. And a packet of cheese and onion instead of a pension plan.
Great times, oh yes. Great times.

Anonymous said...

This Vince the Mince sounds like a TEFL god to me

Anonymous said...

More of a 'Goddess', I've heard...

Teach english abroad said...

i have also some similar information about TEFL