Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sixteen Things Somebody Thought They Knew About Sandy McManus

On the occasion of the first anniversary of the death of this blog - http://sandymcmanus.blogspot.com - I would like to bring all yous Teflers out there a compilation of the irreparably flawed wisdom of one Mr Michael Flynn, the poor soul who wasted the best part of two months of his life last year in trying to discover the true identity of Yours Truly, Sandy McManus.

According to Mr Flynn (no doubt a cunning pseudonym), he managed to unearth the following information about me, all of which was enough to apparently nail me and leave me cowering in a feverish, guilt-induced coma somewhere in a remote corner of the blogosphere.

Or not.

Anyway, take a look at the fine assortment of complete rubbish below, which are all quotes taken directly from his blog, and then read my clarifying comments that follow.

1. John William Campbell does NOT exist.

Very true, but I had you fooled for a while, didn't I! In fact, I sent our Mr Flynn a fake CV, purporting to be from the mysterious bastard behind SM, and he was gullible to enough to believe it was the real thing. Oh dear, Mr Flynn - never heard of 'red herrings' before?

2. We know that you are Northen Irish and that your wife is from Kazakhstan but you are DEFINITELY not William Campbell.

Oh really - not getting much better, are we, matey? Truth is, I've never even been to Ulster, although the second assertion is a bit nearer the mark - my wife does come from a Central Asian country, but it's not Kazakhstan. However, you're clearly right on part three - I'm definitely not William Campbell!

3. He is a footie fan and his favourite club is Derry City FC.

Footy fan, yes, (along with several hundred million other males) but ... Derry City FC?! Good grief - where on Earth did you get that mad idea from, Flynnie boy?! You must have been well pissed when you dreamt that one up...

4. My original profile about Sandy studying at Queen's University Belfast was accurate.

About as accurate as a David Beckham penalty, matey

5. Paul Fletcher and Lisa Harrington of Capital Languages should be able to shed light on the whereabouts of Sandy McManus.

Oh dear, was that another red herring you fell for? Or did you dig up that item of totally useless information yourself? If so, well done - but check here first...

Capital Languages Ltd.
4 Campbell Road
London E17 6RR
Telephone +44 (0)20 8520 5363
Email: info@capitallanguages.co.uk

6. Sandy McManus' blogs have ... been motivated by a desire to put the competitors out of business.

Erm, so I want to be the only EFL blogger on the planet - is that it? Oh, no - now I remember. You thought I was either Paul or Lisa from section 5 above, who had created the ghastly McManus creature to drive all their EFL competitors in the UK out of business. Right, ... well, erm ...

7. The name is probably taken from Sandy (as in desert) and McManus from JP McManus the famous Irish Horse owner. Sandy must enjoy a flutter with Paddy Power (the bookies).

A fine piece of logical posturing, Mr Flynn - but the truth is a lot simpler. However, I won't spoil yer fun and hand over the answer until another attempt has been made. Oh, and I'm not well-known for gambling, by the way. In fact, the last time I was in a betting shop was probably ten years ago (when I won 150 quid, if you're interested!).

8. The latest profile:
* Nationality: Irish Catholic, from Derry
* Age: mid 40s
* Studied at Queen's University Belfast and also took an MA in Applied Linguistics in Edinburgh.
* Has a PGCE in FE.
* Worked as an EFL teacher at a number of schools in England including a summer school on the south coast
* Is married
* His wife is from Kazaksthan
* Has children
* May possibly have a passion for Harley Davidson Motorbikes

What - me, a fuggin' Catholic?! A left-footer?! And a biker to boot?! Well, I did once possess a fine BSA Bantam (see piccy alongside), a cracking example of post-war technology from the cutting edge of the British motorbike industry, but that was a very long time ago.

And what's this about an MA from Edinburgh Uni? Oh, if only!! But yes, I'm married with children, and I have worked on summer schools in the UK - just like many thousands of other Teflers, I reckon. But wait - am I detecting an improvement in Mr Flynn's snooping skills, here?

9. He has a passion for literature and is very well read.

Hey, well done, Mikey - you got something right at last! But, then again, there is a section called 'Sandy's Secret Library' on this blog, so that bit didn't need very advanced detection skills, did it?
10. The vulgar racialist bigot is probably not on public display and is a persona he uses on some of his blogs.

Hey, that's an awful porkie pie to tell - I am a vulgar racist bigot in my private life as well as in public! Shame on you, Sherlock - you're just clutching at straws, intcha!

11. He is capable of rational and articulate argument and his real life persona is probably completely different to his on-line persona.

Haven't we been here before - the second bit, I mean? And as for those words about being rational and articulate - clearly it is an awful slur on my character!

12. He ... is capable of writing articulately and intelligently.

Oh, alright then - I give in. In fact, I'd give you a kiss just for that, you know...

13. The Sandy McManus persona that we know of on-line is probably a fictional character that he has invented.

I think we've stopped off at this station already, too. Can't we move on a bit now?

14. He has libelled with impunity, using many different aliases, many people over the years ...

Now that's much more like it. I could not have put that better myself - top marks, matey!

15. Paul Lowe, if you are reading this you will be happy to hear that I now know Sandy's exact home address in Dubai.

Very good. Except that ... I have never lived in Dubai.


16. I'd love to hear from David Kerr, a.k.a Sandy McManus, an instructor/administrator at Zayed University, UAE.

Now, David Kerr was the first name that this demon detective drew out of the hat, and I definitely ain't him - and vice versa. David, though, does exist, unlike (John) William Campbell and Daniel Regan, plus a few of the other red herrings I threw his way.

*******

OK, that's enough of all that crap. It's no wonder the poor bugger gave up, is it, if that's all he could come up with after a couple of months of hard labour slogging away at the internet?!

Anyway, the only remaining question is - does anybody else have a clue as to my real identity? More to the point, though - what about Michael Flynn's?! Just pop the name of your choice in the comments section below, and I'll let you know if I think you're warm or cold.

Really, I will!

10 comments:

Kapitano said...

I think you're...John Hovercraft, founder of International House and improbably old geezer, who faked his own death so he could destroy the monster he created.

Darren said...

I do like this latest post. Karenne and I are speculating that you might be Alex Case...

Nothing happens slowly said...

Michael Flynn is in fact Arturo Lowe, Paul Lowe's Italian half-brother. He runs an ice cream van in Inverness. And he runs it very nicely.

KALINAGO ENGLISH said...

Pink.

I don't really mind that I don't know who you are... I like the idea that I might be sitting at a teaching conference one day, you'll pop over - as you know who I am obviously - chit chat with me for a bit... I'll enjoy your company, we'll go out for a beer and ah... who knows what next.

OOOOpps I better delete this - it's online forever.

ONE DAY - someone will tell me they're the Sandy and I shall smile.

Karenne

darren said...

hey! that was a private email....

so is this a double bluff, or just another red herring?

SEEKER OF TRUTH said...

You function as the very FONT and Presbytery of malignancy. You actually BELIEVE that by slandering those such as M Flynn and P Lowe who are INFINITELY above you on the EVOLUTIONARY scale, you can achieve sumfink. BUt you merely advertise your own failure and lack of AMBITION, stuck on a trade site with no hope, posting and posting ad splinfinitum. You seek Mr Lowe's adumbration, but you have not the wherewithall nor the SIMPLE RESOURCES to achieve such a COUP D'ETAT. Thus you make do with anonymous SLANDER and you rejoice, despite the fact that my business is being reinvigorated due to the exposure YOU have granted me. What a sad, bullied-at-school dimwit you must be, and why DON'T I broadcast your name and exact address to the slobbering multitudes who gather nightly to denigrate me? SHALL I?? METHINKS I SHALL. . . .

Anonymous said...

I can just imagine SeekerofTruth wreiting in green ink. Possibly dribbling at the same time...


M

D said...

i can imagine seeker of truth in front of the computer, baby wailing in the background, piles of washing up and spouse shouting for 'seeker' to stop that key jabbing and go and do some housework.

Anonymous said...

Are you not Mr and Mrs Soars?

Mr D/Hum ELT

Anonymous said...

i know who he is - captain twat of twatsville
aka sand nigger