Thursday, January 1, 2009

Wring Out the Old, Wring In the New...! [UPDATED]

Or, in other words, just keep on recycling the same old stuff - but try polishing it a bit harder this year, eh?! You see, I just can't seem to shake off my unfortunate attitude of what one critic has called 'professional self-hate' (thanks for that, Mario!), can I. Although, I prefer to call it 'ironic reaffirmation', which is a rather neat phrase that I picked up from Private Eye recently.

Hey, did you notice? I wrote the paragraph above as an introduction to my TeflTrade blog entry of exactly one year back. Not that I'm particularly proud of it - just too hung over to write my own intro for this year. Christ, all I did was destroy six large bottles of black German beer, and they seem to have exacted their revenge in a brutal way - nazi bastards! Anyway, here are the details, my personal almanac, for my reinvigorated TEFL Tradesman of 2009.

Firstly, let me state that, despite several attempts by the sinister forces of TEFL darkness and destruction to silence Sandy McManus in 2008, this old bugger keeps getting stronger and stronger. That pathetic c*nt of a w*nker known as "Michael Flynn" threw in the towel several months back, as he finally realised that he was wasting his precious time in trying to out dear old SM. Shrewd move, Mikey boy.

More to the point, that most despicable and loathsome slug of the UK Tefl Trade, Paul Lowe (a.k.a. The Windsor Swindler), will be getting his long-overdue come-uppance at a trial in March this year. Further details of this wonderful spectacle will be given at a later date, as the whole thing is sub-judice at the moment, and I have no wish to jeopardise the due processes of the law. Rest assured, however, that an extremely full and frank account of the proceedings will be given on this very blog!

So, what will there be to look forward to on The TEFL Tradesman in 2009? Well, there'll be the usual exposure of the unethical and dodgy charlatans (see above) that appear to infest the whacky world of TEFL in the UK, and these postings will be labelled as 'Spot the Shyster'. See how organised and anal I'm getting in my old age, eh, attempting to classify all my scribblings!

Then there'll be a return of the much-missed 'Crap Jobs!' section, in which I highlight some of the least desirable UK jobs masquerading as "exciting Tefl opportunities!". This time round I'll also be phoning up the scumbags responsible for bringing these awfully underpaid dog's breath of jobs to market, in an effort to understand, insult and humiliate them. Exciting, eh?!

The sort of half-humanistic and stoned-hippie crap that passes as respectable TEFL classroom shenanagins will also be exposed and severely lampooned, in a new section to be entitled 'TEFL Mythodology'. Those of you who are more than half awake will realise that I've made a couple of postings in that category already.

Anything else will be labelled as 'Piles' at the moment, until I can think of a more appropriate title. I'm quite fond of my piles (see piccy alongside - uck!!), as they do keep me company at the most stressful of moments, so the least I could do was give them their own category on this blog.

Oh, and the swearing's got to go - or be toned down at least. Otherwise the wife is gonna grab the modem lead and wrap it round my neck. Something to do with 'assuming parental responsibility', apparently. Or it's no shagging for a month!

So, I look forward to doing a whole lot of shagging, I mean sharing, with you all over the next twelve months!

PS: If you're new to all this Tefl Trade / TEFL Tradesman stuff, just click on these links below and have yourself a quick read.

Cheerio, comrades...!


Alex Case said...

Did Mario really say that about you? He should stay off the scrumpy and get back on the whacky backy

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Indeed he did, Alex - the cheeky little pixie! No,not you, I mean Mario - he's definitely a pixie. Or do I mean pikey? Oh dear, I'm all befuddled, after the exotic NYE shananigans...!

Septimus Harding said...

Shame on you, Sandy, you corrupt paddy gasbag. Where is your respect for the world's second oldest profession? At a guess, I would say it's on a par with your estimation for the world's number 1 oldest profession!

Shaun Ryder said...

Aye, that Mario's a bit of a spanner but that Phrasal Verb Reversi was fookin' good. Iss best to just cut it straight out of the book, otherwise: 1) you 'ave to spend fookin' ages at the photocopier and 2) other teachers will get it if you leave it in the book. I say: nick the fookin' book an' all, bin it an' juss 'ave the game. Hours you'll get out of that, fookin' hours an you don't 'ave to do any fookin' graft.

Shaun Ryder said...

Iss a good site, that. Made ole Shaunie laff anyways. But the bit about TEFL 'as to be done better. Don't blame Shaunie- 'e only found it-'e didn't write it. 'E won't either cos 'e's just got some top notch weed in. But someone else can, or maybe like lots of other people, like a group bonding thing, yeh ? Summat fer the troops.