Thursday, September 30, 2010

'Crap Jobs!' for (erm...) August!

OK, I know this monthly summary of the good, the bad, and the downright fuggin' ugly Tefl salaries on offer is more than a tad late already, but so what? I mean, is there any sane teacher out there who would actually consider applying for one of these dogshit jobs?

Oh, right ... I see.

Job

Nuthouse

Wonga

1-to-1 Teacher

King Street College, London

£20 per hr

Academic Manager

Margate Language Centre

Not Given

Academic Manager

EF, London

Not Given

Academic Manager

London Meridian College

Not Given

ADOS

Malvern House, London

£23-24k

DOS

Berlitz, Manchester

£22-£26k

DOS

IH, Belfast

£20 - £22k

EAP Teachers

EF, Oxford

Not Given

EFL Teacher

London Empire Academy

£10-15 per hr

EFL Teacher

Inlingua, Manchester

Not Given

EFL Teacher

Belgravia College, London

£10 per hr

EFL Teacher

TTI School, London

Not Given

EFL Teacher

Inlingua, Swansea

Not Given

EFL Teacher

EF, Cambridge

Not Given

EFL Teacher

ELT, London

£12.40 to £15.50 per hr.

EFL Teacher

Inlingua, Cheltenham

£20k

EFL Teacher

ABC School, London

£10 per hr

EFL Teacher

London Meridian College

£19-21.5k

EFL Teacher

King Street College, London

Not Given

EFL Teacher

West London Business College

£11.00 - £14.00 per hour

ESP (Law) Teacher

BBSI, Bournemouth

£19 - £20k

Senior Teacher

Bloomsbury International

Not Given

Senior Teacher

Berlitz, Manchester

£17,500-£18,500

TOEFL Teacher

Kaplan Aspect, London

18.69 per hr

Anyway, let's get straight on with dishing out the honours, shall we? I mean, for starters, how many of these esteemed TEFL employers are being a shade too secretive about the attractive salaries they're offering? Ten, it appears. Clearly they're worried about being deluged with applications if they publish their generous rates of pay, so I congratulate them on making the sensible decision to merely whisper 'salary on application', or similar. Cunts.

The other usual suspects are also there, namely BBSI in Dorset, who somehow think that they'll get an experienced legal wizard to work for them for an unbelieveably miserly 19 thousand quid a year. And Berlitz in Manchester - what about them, eh?! Offering a mighty 1500 quid a month for a Senior Teacher position - baah!! Cunts the two of them.

The traditional Sandy McManus 'Golden Fuck-off Award' goes to those providers of EFL tuition who manage to pay ten quid an hour or less, and this month I shall be informing the following schools of their entry (or permanent inclusion) in the McManus Hall of Infamy - the London Empire Academy, the ABC School, London, and the Belgravia Academy, London. You lot are cunts too.

28 comments:

Clarence Rhode said...

I like the Kaplan Aspect rate of £18.69 per hour. Not £18.68 or £18.70 - no, it has to be exactly £18.69.

Incidentally, I'm going to say this ONE more time in the hope that someone listens. Adrian Glazier (not Glaister/Gloster etc) worked very briefly in the - shall we say - Berkshire TEFL world and left feeling highly unimpressed. I've been in touch with him and can confirm he currently works very happily and profitably at a polo horse establishment in Croatia. He has a girlfriend who models for lingerie brochures (seriously) and they live in a restored manor house (honestly) and they drive a very old Alfa Romeo sports car. He helps to run an English language book club in his spare time. He has bought a share in a nearby vineyard. He considers himself very lucky in life, and who am I to disagree?
The point is that he has absolutely no interest any more in TEFL teaching or the various criminals who lurk around the squalid fringes of the UK EFL industry.
He cannot possibly be the 'TEFL Tradesman' blogger - only a lunatic could believe that.
I've asked Adrian to visit this site and post his memories of his Windsor days (which are hilarious, I can assure you, as I was there too) and I hope he finds time to do this.
And a happy Autumn to all.

Bucklers Hard said...

I notice that EF, the true corporate cunts of the UK Tefl scene, have three adverts going, and all of them refuse to state the salary on offer. This is because they try to screw you down to the minimum possible, but at the same time expect you to be an utter professional.

And you should see the sort of people who work there with that policy. The teachers are mostly creeps, but the managers are a bunch of semi-alcoholic self-deluding psychos.

I left EF after just three months, but even now I still feel somehow 'contaminated'. Will I ever shake of the dreaded stigma of having sold myself to EF?!

Anonymous said...

Sandy, IH Belfast are bigger cunts than Berlitz- they're offering less for a DOS position, and the top of their pay band for the position is still less than the bottom end Malvern House are offering for an ADOS.

Ozzy Osborne said...

Paul Lowe has a new project.
See www.windsorenglish.co.uk

Wonder how much he pays his staff for this little one?

So now he offers 'Training for the armed forces' ?? Really, Paul? Training in what exactly?
Concealment and digging holes, maybe.

MAGNIFICENT ME said...

DOES a salmon EXPLAIN his movements to the STREAMS? Does a falcon EXPLAIN his swoop to the victim rodent? DOES A MIGHTY AVALANCHE "EXPLAIN" its chosen path to the slope it anoints with its MOMENTUM?
NO and no. AND THUS neither will the effulgent beam "EXPLAIN" his modus to the lop-eared comp-ed ticketed likes of YOU LOT. HE DOES WHAT HE DOES, get it dimmy dumkins?
That's why there will be STATUES of him in every village square in 20 or FIFTY years hence (BRONZE< please or shimmering ALLOY) and before you RETORT I am not PAUL LOWE but a mere being who ASPIRES to UNDERSTAND wot GENIUS means DUH ----->
unlike you gaggle of school-marm apron tuggers in yer jimmy chooooose shoes choos shoes lose

I denounce the THUGEE
I denounce the verbatim hoplite minimax of your alternate vickers yard
Lower case (o yes how is KAREN still watching those MOVIES)(STILL thinking on great ISSUES))

BUT enough of this clarity
I dismiss you AND THE great one CRUSHES YOU tippety-tap
And by the way I KNOW WHO YOU ARE
Here is a clue
READY?

Shake world for I reveal it now::::::

(self) HARMER


Amazed yet?? YOU will be

Anonymous said...

Hi.

Shaun, what is yr email address?

Dr Fookin Kim

Wally Windsor said...

Oh, it's Jeremy Harmer now, is it? No longer Phil Kerr?

Hmm, might be interesting . . . but I doubt it.

youhave closed the venetians in fear said...

No shit? I thought Sandy was John & Liz Soars- just goes to show how wrong you can be.

Anonymous said...

ABC- a tenner an hour to do the fucking Callan Method. Can you imagine the job satisfaction?

MAGNIFICENT ME said...

++++++++++++BEGINS+++++++++++++++++

TO : Macmillan ELT publishing
PENGUIN EFL
OUP
CUP
BBC Worldwide PUBLISHING
+ all others in EFL book world
+ all major schools and multiples

Dear (+NAME)

For some time now YOU will have been aware of a subversive presence at large on the wilder fringers of EFL generally. The person culpable is a minor EFL "Blogger" and failed raconteur who is motivated by spite and lack of respect for those more successful then him.

He has adopted a variety of personas, most RECENTLY and falsely that of Adrian Glaister, who it turns out is innocent, also others known to you, and he even has a transgender personality known as "KAREN K."

With much work invested in this outcome, I have decoded his movements and lamentable PROSE manner and I can now alert you to his true identity. He is a would-be TEFL author and small-league supply teacher going by the name of Jeffrey (or JERRY/GERRY/JO-JO) HARMER. he has chosen this ludicrous surname in a reference I believe to the demented practice of SELF HARM. How pathetic and worrying he must be.

Please therefore if you should receive a dog-eared manuscript or synopsis from this individual, do not waste time assessing it but consign it AT ONCE to the slush pile wherein it can fester. ALSO if you know of the school or college where JEREMY/JO-JO etc HARMER teaches (no doubt some back-street operation without ABLS ACCREDITATION or even a 'first aid policy' in place) please inform me lest that too should fall from favour.

It is vital (you will agree!) that those of us who LEAD this industry club together on this and ensure that the fringe remains at the edges and does not CREEP centrally towards an influential high ground from whence others might be corrupted tengenitally.

With kind regards

(NAME)
Founder and Director
First Aider

cc /bcc/FYI
Messrs (NAME) LLB solicitors at law

Thames valley Police internet crimes unit squad (Dave)

Windsor & Wokingham Gazette (Lifestyle pages)

MP for Windsor south, House of Commons

+++++++++++++++ENDS++++++++++++++++

Anonymous said...

"tengenitally".

Gotta teach that one to the students.

tengenitals said...

Teach it? I'd rather experience it. Do you need first aid afterwards?

Where Mr Frederickson when you need him- he'd know where to go for this sort of thing.

Shaun Ryder said...

Alright Kim, 'ope all is well in Tulipia.
Me email address is:

shaunfookinryder@gmail.com

Only you, The Smiler (wass yer new bllog, lad? )and San' can use it. Anyone else can fook off.

No,I am the REAL Paul Lowe said...

Chavvy pigfuckercuntdimmywits how DARE you mock and denigrate my rightful RIGHTING.I am TRANSLUCENT EFFULGENT OMNIPRESENT and OMNIPOTENT.Kalinagoglaisterjojoconceptkerrmcanus your DOOM approaches.I am the ANTISHIGHT.PROPHESISED and FORETOLD.Unlike YOU on your TRADE web-shight with NO HOPE of ANYTHING BETTER.I am The DEFUCKATING ONE.The LORD OF THE SHIT_HOUSE FLIES.I am the GOD OF PILES!AND I BRING YOU...HELL'S PILES!PILES!PILES!I BID YOOR RINGPIECE to BURN! I am BETTER than YOU,defuckating CHAVVILY in yer council estate LAVATORY.
EFFULGENT and CLASSICAL defuckationis performed on the PAVEMENT in Castle-Town.In PUBE-lick as any fule kno before the lop-eared gitterns that dwell in Castle-TOwn.And their fatted slatternly OFFSPRING.
BEWARE.O WOEFUL ARCHITRAVE the AGE OF SHIGHT will be upon you.MIGHTY empires will FALL.STRONG MEN will DECLINE and FALL.Daily Mirror and Grauniad grimjournos in GRIMJOURNOLAND will WITHER and WILT.As will the evil negress-tickling BEAM of FREDERICKSON.It will CUM to PASS.It is WRITTEN in the lost BOOK OF DEFUCKATIONS not REVELATIONS.My number is a YOO-man NUMBER.It is SHIT-HUNDRED and SHITTY-SHIT.The NUMBER OF THE (DROPPED) BEAST.Failed again,DIMMYKINS.

Anonymous said...

Chavvy DIMMYBASTARDS
How DARE you MOCK my RIGHTFUL RIGHTING.I am OMNIPRESENT EFFULGENT and MIGHTY like the fisherman's BOOt crushing a mollusc in its SHELL-LIKe.I AM the ANTISHIGHT.The LORD OF THE SHIGHT-HOUSE FLIES.
I am BETTER than YOU defuckating CHAVVILY in yer lino-floored council estate LAVATORY.LONG and CLASSICAL defuckation is performed on the pavements of Castle-Town as any DIMMYFUCKWIT kno.In PUBE-LICK before the lop-eared gitterns and dulcimers that dwell there.
BEWARE
O WOEFUL ARCHITRAVE
The AGE OF SHIGHT will BE upon YOO
STRONG MEN will QUAIL
MIGHTY EMPIRES will FALL.
Grimjournos in GRIMJOURNOLAND will be DESTROYED.
It is WRITTEN
In the BOOK OF DEFUCKATIONS
Not REVELATIONS
TODAY I am DAVID ICKE
NOT PAUL LOWE.

Anonymous said...

TOMORROW
I will be JULIUS CAESAR
How APT as yer frumious IDES OF MARCH approaches.
CAESAR
CHEEZER
I have not laved my ARCHITRAVE
FOR MONTHS
It is DETUMESCENT FETID and SCABROUS

Anonymous said...

as someone with such selected breeding and apparent LDN contacts, hasn't your pr advisor informed that it may be more cost-effective and less stressful to simply invest in rebranding?

a campaign showing one's generosity matched with internet marketing and press releases, plus an 'I'm sorry' and settling complaints should flood top 10 pages of google searches, then all is forgetten.

Twitter and blog freakouts are the norm now and if celebs can get past it so can an ELT personality.

but for central LDN, the account may be 3000 pounds/month but 6 months should point everything in the right direction. and tolerance can be developed and demonstrated by showing one can actually work with people with poly degrees at the pr agency...

just sayin'

Anonymous said...

thinking a little one this, this is so obvious that one wonders if indeed there are (a) the contacts, (b) the business knowledge, and/or (c) the cash.

Or is the reason this strategy has not been adopted because those with "comparable" breeding have turned their backs, tossing the ELT personality (rightfully?) into the gutter with the rest of us?

Discuss.

Anonymous said...

a) No
b) No
c) No

+ He's an utter cunt and a thick one at that

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA touched a raw NERVE have we JO-JO?? Am I getting warmer, HARMER??
BIG dossier on you already underway AND that SAKI-loving degenerate alex lower case who carries your bag and PRUNES YOUR BONSAI nudge nudge
Files sent to hate crimes unit squad and logged here ON MY SYSTEM which you could NEVER understand because it is COMPLEX
OOOOH almost forgot
tsk tsk mind like a sieve ----->

HOW IS KAREN??
Still your ALTAR EGO
sacrificing on an ALTAR
ALTAR ALTAR ALTAR

Today I watched the clouds AND GAVE THEM ALL NAMES ha ha ha ha
Here is one

DUMMYKINS

DUH slaps forehead they just don't GET IT
They just dont fucking get it

knobheads all of you
irrelevant to me

Anonymous said...

Mr ELT Personality of High Birth,

As clearly the family has been spent, surely you must have one friend left or a sympathetic family member who can loan you their pr officer for a day/week to begin the rebranding campaign.

Relying on public services is well, very common. Hate Crimes? I don't think Upper Class (and frankly sir I know four Brits with family titles and you do not strike me as anywhere near that). You demonstrate Internet-drunkenness and probably your only claim to standings is reading various magazines.

Get a pr officer--or how lowe can you go one wonders...

Anonymous said...

family money. the more internet bs you do the more you'll have to spend on pr...

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a schizophrenic troll to me...

Anonymous said...

I do believe that people have attempted to parody the schizophrenic troll, which frankly seems like a forlorn if not impossible task.

Quite good evidence to be used in a court of law though: possibly commital proceedings under the Mental Health Act!

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Oh for fugg's sake PACK IT IN, well yer! Keep Mr Lowe back in his box, over on his dedicated Windsor Swindler site.

Every time he makes an appearance over here, I have to get the place antiseptically cleaned afterwards.

Any more of this lark, and I'll start charging him for it (as if he'd EVER pay!!).

Anonymous said...

'Antiseptically cleaned? Obviously Paul Lowe's 'Lengthy defecatory touch' is still in evidence!

Jo JO WATCHER said...

So CLEVER JO-JO so frigging cLEVER
Unlike you I have been SUCCESSFUL at my chosen path - SO MUCH SO that you devote a paltry lifetime to mocking MAGNIFICENT ME
How odd quoth ALICE, to see such a sight; I must have been DREAMING again
YES dreaming of imaginary FIENDS and untriangulated PHANTOMS such as your doltish self

THIS IS NOT finished
I am unquenchable and YOU are on my LIST for impending attention
along with that irrelevant shithead who styles himself with the cognomen 'Fritscher'
And no I am NOT Paul Lowe

Anonymous said...

Spot the looney!