Friday, April 16, 2010

TEFL Mythodology #3 - The Sexical Approach

The Sexical Approach is popularly believed to be a cunning method for both teaching foreign languages and seducing students, and was developed by an unemployed EFL teacher called Michael Lewdis in the 1990s. This technique has enjoyed great popularity in EFL schools all over the world, and was thought to have been responsible for the large increase in sexually-transmitted diseases that swamped Europe in the later years of the decade.

The basic concept on which this approach rests is the idea that EFL teachers enjoy shagging more than teaching, so if the latter can be exploited as a route to the former, all will be well in the classroom. Therefore, in the Sexical Approach, instruction focuses on carefully chosen fixed expressions that occur frequently in dialogues, and which Lewdis claims often result in a legover. The teaching of chunks and set phrases are therefore cunningly skewed to be able to reflect a sexual agenda, and then become common in the student's English, resulting in frequent sexual encounters for EFL teachers, both male and female.

In his review of the approach, Dieter Kranz wrote "The Sexical Approach can be summarized in a few words: bunk-ups and blow-jobs. The language consists not merely of traditional grammar and vocabulary, but often of multi-word prefabricated chunks that can be employed in a wide range of sexual situations." For example, the simple question 'Where is your toilet?' can be given a sexual purpose, especially if the speaker wishes to 'clean up' after a steamy session on the couch. Equally, the word 'toilet' can be replaced with 'bedroom' or 'condom', and a whole range of legover opportunities arise for the fortunate EFL teacher.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ooh, teacher! Don't DO that!!

girlinczechland said...

Love it. Hilarious as usual. Keep up the good work Sandy!

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Glad you liked it, czechie.

Fancy a quick shag at my place?

See, I've got the sexical approach under my teacherly skin!!

Mark Lowe (in Monaco) said...

I wonder if this wonderful teaching method could be applied to teaching young Oriental lady-boys Latin and then having them apply their new-found knowledge to the translation of Catullan poetry?

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Mark, you've got summat there! I see another fashionable (and lucrative) TEFL method looming. Clearly you share the Lowe gene for genius that your younger brother displays.

I think we should work together on this one. Just give me your address in Monaco and I'll be over. Or maybe we could meet up at Paulie's? I'm sure he'd be glad to see me...

Mark Lowe (in Monaco and wearing an Arab Strap) said...

'Now, Ting-Tong and Ling, can you show me the meaning of 'irrumabos vos et pedicabo vos,'now that you are nekkid...heh-heh...

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Coo, what in hell's name IS an 'Arab Strap'? Frankly, my mind is boggling on overtime right now...

Something for aiding a gentleman to 'enter the camel' perhaps? Or have I got the wrong end of the, erm, strap here...?

Mark Lowe (in Monaco and about to become the 'Lucky Pierre' of TEFL) said...

Now,to re-cap, Ting-Tong and Ling,demonstrate what that Catullan couplet means...I shall bend over,and,Ling,grease 'yourself' well,if you know what I mean, my piles are bad today. Yes, Ting-Tong, sdtick it my mouth, and I'll give you some 'ting-tong tongue' to quote my deranged and noncey brother...

Anonymous said...

Isn't that a spit-roast rather than a lucky Pierre?

Mark Lowe (Getting "Jiggy with it" in Monaco) said...

Just wait till I've taken me Viagra,THEN I shall be the "Lucky Pierre," my pedantic little Chavling...And I have still to write and send a cheque to my little brother in Castle-Town: he has ran out of white cider and needs to pay for a lawyer!

jhon said...

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