Sunday, August 22, 2010

The First 'Crap Job!' of the Academic Year!

Oh yes indeedy, I feel that the 'Crap Jobs' category is going to be one of this year's high achievers. Just take a look at this dose of diarrhoea that has issued forth from the pedagogical buttocks of Manchester Metropolitan University.

Not only are they paying woefully inadequate wages for this type of post, which usually attracts at LEAST thirty quid an hour, they are actually paying BELOW THE NATIONAL AVERAGE! Or, in other words, you could earn more by emptying bins or press-ganging motorists into having their windscreens cleaned at traffic lights.

EFL Tutors x 4 Languages - Academic English courses for International Students.
Manchester Metropolitan University
Fixed Term Contract - 2 years from appointment.
Salary: Grade 5: £20,327 - £22,879 per annum.

We are seeking to appoint four full-time EAP tutors on two year fixed-term contracts to teach on our intensive Academic English courses for International Students.
You will have a degree or equivalent in a relevant subject area, a DELTA or equivalent qualification recognised by the British Council and you will be an excellent team-player. A PGCE, Certificate of Education, PGCAP or membership of the Higher Education Academy or similar qualification is desirable.


So, not only do they want a teacher with degree and a DELTA or PGCE, they're looking for some sort of gullible twit who has joined the highly irrelevant 'Higher Education Academy'. And all for less then 2,000 quid a month?! What a SCREAM!!

But one thing, though - notice that there is no mention of any need for teaching or EAP experience in the advert. Clearly, they are not expecting applications from anybody who actually knows what they're doing!

And that's rather strange for a place that likes to promote itself as "The University for World-Class Professionals". Of course, I should have realised - they must have the 3rd world in mind, judging by the salaries they offer.

So, well done MMU. You've really got the 2010-2011 'Crap Jobs!' season off to a flying start!

23 comments:

Casey Jones said...

Christ, it's only slightly better than the usual dogshit offering from BBSI - Bournemouth Business School International - where they want "an experienced and qualified individual for the role of Senior Teacher of Management. The successful candidate would have a professional background in management, and extensive experience in teaching management and/or business studies to international students."

And just how much are they offering to entice such a highly experienced and professional individual into this exciting management position?

From 19 to 20K!!!

Anonymous said...

Here's one for you: eight quid an hour. College environment, my arse!

http://ec.europa.eu/eures/eures-searchengine/servlet/ShowJvServlet?lg=EN&serviceUri=http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/euresWS-LocalPes/services/ServiceProvider.ws&uniqueJvId=HKH/12459

Can't believe they're advertising among some of the better ELT jobs.

Hello, by the way! I haven't disappeared. Just been plotting my next move, as all TEFLers have to do far too regularly.

Formerly TEFL Smiler/Appy Linguist/Engelsk/Mr D/and more besides.

(Don't want to link back to myself, considering the psychotic freaks you've attracted over the last year!)

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Nice to hear from you again, Mr D! I'd lost touch with your last move, and was wondering what you're up to these days. Please send an updated blog address to my e-mail - would be nice to renew our cyber-acquaintance.

cheerio,

SM

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Meanwhile, here's another hoot from BBSI - an advert on tefl.com for aSenior ESP teacher, but which pays less than a checkout operator at Morrisons...

"We are seeking an experienced and qualified individual for the role of Teacher of Legal Studies. The successful candidate would have a professional background in the legal profession and have extensive experience in teaching Legal English to international students. This post is being readvertised due to unforeseen circumstances."

So, 'unforeseen circumstances', eh? Wonder what that could be? Maybe the poor sucker found a proper-paying job? Or he turned out to be an alkie? Well, what do they expect for 19-20k a year?!?

The fact that they want some poor fucker with a Law Degree, a DELTA, AND experience of course design has me hooting with laughter! Don't believe me? Have a butcher's below...

"The ideal candidate will possess a Law Degree, or similar, and have a CELTA or DELTA qualification, plus at least 2 years' sound teaching experience in a quality school or college. Course design and / or development woudl eb an advantage."

Clearly their "ideal candidate" is either desperate or retarded!!

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Oh, and BTW, Mr D. My fan base might well be 'psychotic', in your words ... but at least they're loyal!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha - they're not all 'psychotic'. Just the ones with legal difficulties and grudges.

Will email.

Mr D

Anonymous said...

Yes ADRIAN it is YOU who will pay the price set forth in my AGENDA and progressed towards each day
Once more your attempts at SMOKESCREEN and DIVERSION are nothing but failure
How about this: DEVIZES COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL AIRGUN SHOOTING CHAMPIONSHIP 1994
You cheated then and you cheat NOW -^^
I KNOW EVERYTHING about you and your FRIENDS how are ALEX and Karen?? Still brainstorming

Sorry just too damn busy

Anonymous said...

And too bloody good at running rings around YOU

Oliver Twist said...

Paul - get back over to my blog, where your pathetic lunacy belongs, AT ONCE!

Saints preserve us.....

Anonymous said...

A hutch for every RABBIT
Is that not the adage

Organ grinder/monkey You must be talking to him now Organ>monkey Devizes>Prague
I see it now
Hate sites on the web Crime number obtained for all this
CHANGE THE DECKCHAIRS but the same old TITANIC
Victory is within my grasp

Django Cat said...

Or you could go to Malta and teach EAP (and medical ESP forgodsakes)in a university for shit street-corner EFL money - http://www.tefl.com/jobs/job.html?jo_id=43787 15 - 25 Euro an hour and all the Maltesers you can eat I suppose...

Anonymous said...

Good to see you're back Sandy.

First, the gibbering wreck (who is no doubt thrilled that SMM has written a bog post so he can bang his deranged stick on the keyboards once again), is completely off the mark with Adrian whatsit. It's obvious to anyone who's ever read this

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/bad-vibes-britpop-and-my-part-in-its-downfall-by-luke-haines-1219702.html

that SMM is the seperated at birth twin of Luke Haines.


secondly, Robert Weeks Director of studies of victoria english college (see mugshot here http://www.londosa.co.uk/who_we_are.php). could this be the same robert weeks who worked under said gibbering mad man's roof in Windsor?

if so his school pay a poxy £9 an hour to teachers.

John King said...

Aren't the Weeks family the owners of Cactus Tefl? Or did I hallucinate that?

Paul Lowe has been paying most teachers £9/hour for about 12 years now. Some teachers receive up to £16/hour - but you can imagine the reasons for that.

Anonymous said...

Robert Weeks was at Windsor Schools:the old TEFL Blacklist and the Windsor Swindler sites,plus the Rip-Off Reports site will confirm this as well as what a nasty,dishonest cunt he was. New Labour shit-stabber and lying paedo that he is.

Anonymous said...

You seek my entrammelment, yes do you not?? OF COURSE you do }}}}
As a baboon seeks the demise of his BABOON DEITY or the mollusc seeks the alteration of the TIDAL CURRENTS that move him hither and FRO
It would be LARFABLE were you not so depraved and SICK

But sorry - too damn busy today for this 3rd rate cant that you dispume almost daily I only look at the box only the line that matters

Byeee LADZZZZ I dismiss you

PS how dem things in Croatia ADRIAN?? Funny how Croatia looks like 28 Glendale Avenue BRIGHTON these days!!
AMAZED?
YOU will, be when I come to visit in my (re)finery

Anonymous said...

Adrian Glaister (pseudonym Gloucester) resides at 28 Glendale Ave Brighton, Sussex. This is a harmless-looking 2 up 2 down BUT what do we find therein? We find ADRIAN the arch mouthpiece OF ALL HATRED in ipso flagrante with ALEX and the other triplet KAREN who functions as the "intellect" of the set-up. The Guardian is delivered on Wednesdays (for the job ads ho bloody ho) and a cleaner visits on alternate Fridays (unhygienic?? MOI??) THE TRIPLETS keep to themselves, not exchanging words with NEIGHBOURS BUT they are known at the local 'Three Feathers Inn and Thai Buffet' where they are oftern INCAPACITATED due to VILENESS.

YES ADRIAN YES. LOOK through your elegant John Lewis venetian blinds and you will see me WATCHING YOU with UNBLINKING EYES like the EYES of a MANTA RAY utterly unquenchable.

AMAZED YET?? YOU will be when you learn that I have PENETRATED your INNER SANCTUM and seen what happens there. ALL OF IT< the brainstorming, the ablutions the attempts at 3rd rate CANT masquerading as a 'TEFL NOVEL.'

Yes, tremble yes QUIVER you evo stumbler

MAGNIFICENT ME

Anonymous said...

HA just seen you at the window
now youhave closed the venetians in fear YES i have a handheld device YES MY thumb is rapid and capable

HA this is better then TWITTER

The TEFL Tradesman said...

Yes, well done Mr Lowe. Your imagination is working overtime again, and I can't even believe that you have stepped outside your putrid castle of a school to spy on others. Nice story, though.

Been forgetting to take your medication again, have you, Paulie? And don't foget - we have our spies working on YOU!!

Shaun Ryder said...

'e always used to be keen to quote crime numbers that the police 'ad given 'im, Ole Paulie (the fookin' loon). You 'ave to wonder what they'll make of this. Iss jail fer this type of thing, no booger gives a fook if you lose it an' punch some total stranger. No jail there. Stalkin' an' bunging details of a stranger on the net, 'specially if there's kids involved....Oooooooooooh dear. Dear oh dear oh dear.

Yer fooked, Paulie.

An' it makes me laugh.

Anonymous said...

But DUMMY chavster I have told you a hundred times I AM NOT PAUL LOWE of wINdsor ENGLish
I have no CONNECTION with the EFFULGENT one
I do not possess charm wit and deportment enough to challenge on that evo level!! Unlike you the lop eared offspring of the local sec mod or COMP whom I dismiss with a flick of the tibula
NO but I wield the sword of JUSTICE on behalf of all who BELEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE in beauty truth and goodness unlike YOU in the swamp of unreconstituted TEFLDOM

MAGNIFICENT ME
Not the architrave . . . . .____^^^>>>
But almost PERFIKT!!

Anonymous said...

Athwartships!! Hoist the SIGNAL thence!
There is NO conundrum that can be answered by the malicious complaint of the inappropriate testimonial, AS you and both I have learned about the Internet HAVE WE NOT ADRIAN
MY gunwhales are fully LOADED with HARPOONS
(HARPING ON again tsk tsk)
Arf arf

Shame I am so utterly enobled tsk tsk

INSANE????????!

ADRIAN you have aLOT to LURRRRN
BTW txt me again you useless sminter and see wot your iplecommming achieves in its debrittyfurg
MAGNIFICENT ME
Bye bye castel town
THIS IS ME BEING NORMAL
FUCKING NORMAL
IVE just bitten my own SHOE and tossed it across the room THIS IS NORMAL FOR ME
I AM NOT PAUL but you are ADriaN

William Fuckfilthstickson said...

Go to 'Windsor Swindler'because there's a fuckin' shit-load of Paul 'Paedo' Lowe parodies there. Thai lady-boy looks nice...phwooooarrr

SATIRIST RIGHTER and suck-cessfool SHIGHTER, Castle-Town said...

Adrian-nice try. I am too busy to read any of your paltry outpourings.Do NOT mock my long DEFUCKATION-It EMULSIFIES and signifies my innate CLASS BREEDING and EDYOOCASHUN. I DEFUCKATE in SYNCHRONICITY SYZYGY and SYMPATHY with her MAJESTY the QUEEN sitting ATHWART her THRONE in CASTLE_TOWN CASTLE.WITH me so far, dIMMYFUCKPIGTWATWIT? my DEFUCKATION is so EVOLVED that I Do NOT defuckate outside CASTLE TOWN RAILWAY STATION but outside BMW ROLLS_ROYCE and BENTLEY showrooms to reflect my INFINITE MANHOOD VERVE and SHEER PLUCKED PLUCKY GONADS>Failed AGAIN evo stumblers