Sandy's Miracle Teaching Method - Hypnogogy!

Well, let's face it - it had to come sooner or later, didn't it? It's called Hypnogogy, and Sandy's extremely proud to be able to bring you this revolutionary new methodology first - how to teach English while you sleep!

After all, the notion of 'learn in your sleep' has been around for decades. The fact that this novel approach to education was soon discredited is of no importance here. What matters is - you can get paid for sleeping your way through hours and hours of extremely dull, tedious EFL teaching! And think about it - if your teaching is enough to send your students off for a date with the sandman, why shouldn't you join in too? It's discrimination!

Anyway, for those tiresome pedants out there who insist on finding scientific proof of the effective nature of new teaching methods, let's briefly examine the theoretical approach behind the claim to being able to efficiently teach the English language in your pyjamas....

Firstly then, what do we mean by 'sleep'? The state is generally defined as “the resting state in which the body is not active and the mind is unconscious.” This chimes perfectly with the average Tefler's lifestyle choice and general lack of anything resembling ambition, being fond, as we are, of inactivity and something approaching a semi-conscious state. So it's bang on target there, then.

Another knowledgeable source refers to it as a condition in which "the eyes are usually closed and there is little or no conscious thought or voluntary movement, but there is intermittent dreaming”. Again, the similarity to the characteristics of the EFL crowd - lack of mental exertion and minimal physical movement - is striking, proving that the state of sleeping is ideal for teaching English also.

By way of example, I must admit that at times I spend the whole class daydreaming with my eyes closed, particularly while the little bastards are slogging their way through 12 pages of Murphy's Crapper. Moreover, my capacity for conscious thought and careful movement in the classroom has been severely limited many times by the previous night's intake of illicit prescription pharmaceuticals and home-made beverages - so it would seem that Hypnogogy was just made for us Teflers.

However, sleep has also been likened to death, especially in the Bible - but this might also provide us with a further analogy in our favour. For example, in Ecclesiastes 9:5 it states that “the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all.” Which again, appears to be extremely redolent of the average Tefl non-careerist. Are we alive or dead? Conscious or not? Do we give a flying fuck about it all?! It all makes so much sense!

So, there you have it - sleep is characterized as a condition typically devoid of conscious thought. Almost exactly the same as teaching EFL!

Coming next week: the practical side of the coin - tried and tested classroom techniques for the dozing Tefler