How To Bully Your Way to the Top of the TEFL Tree!

Oh yes, it's time for one from the archives again, lads'n'lassies. This one proved very popular at the time, and one DoS even told me he'd pinned it up on the staff-room wall. I wonder if he's still working at the same place now?!

Here are some of Sandy's tips for giving feedback to a teacher following an observed lesson, all designed to assert your authority as DOS and thoroughly destroy your unfortunate employee's confidence. This is not some duff idea taken from the pages of a naff Tefl handbook written by some half-drunken Italian hermit - it's a tried and tested technique that I have honed over many years of systematic humiliation of gullible Tefl pricks.

So, get ready for ... Sandy's Seven Golden Rules for Observation Feedback!

RULE 1: THE PRIMED BOMB
Go through the lesson plan with the teacher BEFORE the observation. Here you’ll get the chance to laugh at his lamentable activities, and suggest changes to the entire structure of the lesson. Ask the teacher what his aims are, and laugh audibly; ask him for his contingency plan if things don’t work out, adding that he'll probably need a good one. On no account should you listen to the twerp wittering on about any difficulties he has with the class. Just point out firmly that he should have already ironed out any problems he has had with any difficult individuals - after all, he's been teaching them for at least two days.

RULE 2: THE SURPRISE ATTACK
Of course, if you really want to leave the pimply Tefler without an ounce of self-esteem, just forget the pre-observation stuff and turn up announced, waving your clipboard and sitting very obtrusively near the white-board. This approach will probably cause the wimp of a teacher to drop his photocopies and start mumbling to the class incomprehensibly, but just be firm and bark "pull yourself together, laddie". Also, if you take this approach, you are much better able to judge the lesson in terms of what the bugger thinks he can get away with when nobody's looking, compared to the sort of old textbook Tefl tosh he'd serve up if you'd given him notice.

RULE 3: PUT IT IN WRITING
Write up your observation notes carefully and give the teacher a copy. Make sure you underline all the negative points, and bring the teacher's attention to your extremely judgemental comments - words like CRAP! and JEESUS! - by using red highlighter. I recommend giving the teacher a copy in advance of the feedback session, just to let him mull things over, consider resigning, contemplate suicide, etc. You might like to pin a copy of your notes to the school noticeboard too, all in the name of 'transparency', providing cheap entertainment, and asserting your authority.

RULE 4: BE CREATIVE
Don't start with that old chestnut, "So, how do YOU think it went?" Only incorrigible Tefl tossers do this, and the last thing you want to do is waste your time listening to this timid little fart waffling on about how good his lesson was, while you sit there nodding off to sleep. It's far better to be creative and dispense with established Tefl protocol, especially if the pubs are about to open. Just steam right in, screw up your face into a resemblance of a bulldog straining to have a shit, and croak "What the FUCK do you think you were doing, Jason?!"

RULE 5: NEVER BE CONSTRUCTIVE
Even if you did think it was a good lesson, learn how to frame your criticism to cause maximum damage. After all, a demoralised teacher is no personal threat to you, and you can look forward to enjoying a lot more of the same sport if your teachers fear you. Personally, I would gloss over any positive points, dismissing them as 'textbook maneouvres' and 'basic teaching techniques', and really come out blasting heavy with the negatives. Most EFL teachers will be expecting you to start off with the plus points, so wiping the teacher's crap in his face from the very first moment will really put the sad bastard's back to the wall.

RULE 6: CRUEL TO BE KIND
Start nitpicking as soon as possible. After all, it’s easy for you to sit back and be all perfectionist about it - that's your job - and you don't want the poor little runt of a teacher to feel too comfortable, do you? Confess to feeling completely bewildered by the 'problems' you have witnessed, and ask the teacher if he has ever tried to do anything about it before. Then start to focus on the really important issues, like the students' opportunities to speak, error correction, pronunciation, making sure all students were involved, use of a warmer, making the lesson interactive, etc. Whatever the teacher did, be ruthless in your criticism of it - state firmly that there was either too much or not enough of the above Tefl waffle, and that he should reconsider his approach to lesson planning and classroom management, if not his entire career in the whacky world of Tefl.

If necessary, just to confirm your status as The Boss, make a casual reference to Vygotsky's Zone of Proximal Development theory. Point out as an aside, but with a clear degree of caustic criticism in your voice, the accepted and self-evident need for a truly effective teacher to provide differentiated elements of cognitive scaffolding when the students are carrying out challenging problem solving activities independently or in collaboration with their classroom peers - and then tell him he's an ignorant cunt.

RULE 7: FOLLOW THROUGH
Make a long list of all the points that you’d like to see development of when it comes to the next observation, and thrust them into the teacher's hand with a dismissive grunt. As you stand up to leave the teachers' room (your feedback should always be given in the teachers' room, where there is a captive audience), make it very clear to the mug in question that next time you’ll be focusing on ALL the points you have just mentioned - even though you were far from satisfied with the rest of the lesson. Finally, suggest that your by now gibbering wreck of a Tefler observe other teachers as often as possible, using every available break period to "make yourself useful in the classroom". You might even consider mentioning that you'll be sending other teachers into his class, as "peer observation should include the lows as well as the highs".

PS: On no account ask the teachers if they thought your feedback was fair. I mean, why should you worry about fairness - you are the boss after all?! Also, never EVER allow your teachers to observe you. They just wouldn't understand.

Finally, my thanks go to Mike Long for allowing me to ruthlessly lampoon his well-considered advice (see link below) for would-be Directors of Studies. At least, I think he said it was OK...

Original source: http://eslblogs.englishclub.com/mikelong/2008/04/11/dos-observation-feedback/#more-75