Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Rubbish in EFL

My God, HOW remiss of me! I completely forgot to enlighten you all regarding my thrilling experience with Luke ‘the Spook’ Meddings last year. 

For those of you who have no idea (or wish to know) just who Luke is, he is one of those unfortunate social retards (i.e., a Tefler) who claims to have half-invented the Dogme movement, along with his Australian chum, erm, old whatsisname.

Anyway, I went along to one of those crushingly dull and uninspiring seminars offered by the British Council last September, the sort of thing that only saddo Teflers attend - especially those geeky zits who see it as a chance to pad out their CV and crawl up the Tefl promotion ladder. (The suggestion that I was seeking to do the same is vigorously denied, by the way.)

The event was excitingly labelled “Found objects: How Picasso's bull's head can be used in the ELT classroom”, and the idea was that we should take things designed for another purpose and turn them into prompts for learning experiences. Dr Spook was thus entrusted with the weighty task of illuminating us mere Tefl troops in “the need to develop lesson frameworks and teaching strategies which help us to shape this into a learning experience.” Hmm, heavy stuff indeed!

Of course, so enthused was I by Dr Spook’s presentation that the very next day I attempted to put the principles of ‘Found Objects’ into practice. The following example of the process is taken from The Sandy McManus Teaching Diary and Reflective Journal, a serious pedagogical publication that will soon be available for purchase at a very civilised price of £9.99

 12:36  Teacher enters class (late).
T:         "Hello class, let's see what I've got in my pockets, while I desperately take some bits out and try and wing it through a lesson, with trembling hands and a hangover."
St 1:     “Teacher, you smell like dead dog!”

12:37   Teacher fumbles in pockets of trousers and jacket. DoS passes door and coughs loudly.
T:         "Ah yes, here's my docket issued by the Metropolitan Police for a stop and search under Section 44 Terrorism Act. As you can see, they've filled in "Photographing public buildings, acting suspiciously" under "Reason for stop and search."
St 2:     Teacher, you like photo? You see my sister photo – very nice!”

12:38   Teacher passes docket around class. Students’ interest appears to increase.
T:         "Now what's this? (rustle, rustle) Ah, yes, it's a fixed penalty notice for not paying my Tube fare. Oh dear … how embarrassing."
St 1:     “Teacher, why you no pay ticket? You spend all money in pub?”

12:39   Teacher passes notice to students. One student volunteers copy of same.
 T:        "And what's this? Ahem, yes, it's a screwed up copy of a restraining order from my wife, pressed into my hand by a process-server as I left the house this morning."

12:40   Teacher digs into plastic bag and pulls out various papers and photocopied materials. 
T:         "And this … a receipt from Oddbins, the off-licence, for two bottles of vodka. From yesterday..."
St 2:     “Oh teacher, you say me you drink whisky…”
 T:        "Oh, and here's an empty fag packet ... 20 Royals. And an old packet of Rizlas."
St 3:     “Ah, teacher – you like make spliff?”

Anyway, you get the idea. It was, in fact, a cracking lesson, and I discovered that several of my students had equally interesting objects secreted about themselves (half-eaten sandwiches, pots of noodles) and I was happy to complement them on their obvious shoplifting skills.

In short, it was another successful day at the Tefl chalk face. Thanks, Luke!

PS: Actually, my wife has just informed me that the event was cancelled, so I guess the above must have all been a terrible nightmare. Or perhaps it was those hand-picked French mushrooms I bought in Waitrose…

PPS: I forgot to ask: have YOU ever used rubbish in the EFL classroom (to pursue educational aims, I mean)? Please enlighten us with your experiences below...


SOURCE OF ALL LIGHT AND ENERGY and not at all vulgar said...

In MY pocKEts you will find MERELY a claSSy fountain PEN, a WRITT for LIABle anda volume of MY OWN,exquistite and ineluctable POETRY.
HOW MagniFFicent I am compared to the TEFL donkee herd!

parallel lives said...

Hey, that Meddings geezer looks like a sausage-jockey.
Or has he had a run-in with 'the baron'?!

Anonymous said...

I use rubbish in my classes all the time. It's called 'Headway'.

Anonymous said...

Sandy could this lot be looking for a geography teacher? http://www.tefl.com/jobs/job.html?jo_id=58338


fools fools AND Vulgar too

UNlikE me good self wot is ClaSsy

Down ter B & Q now to get a KUPLA lamps






Anonymous said...

Those timings look a bit tight to me: you're not wast... er.. exploiting the material sufficiently.
Let them do a bit of dictionary work.. hang on whilst I look up "process server".. Give them time to digest the new vocabulary - oh, you know, come on lad!

Serious question.. do people actually put such stuff on their CVs?! Now where's that certificate of attendance to 'Exploiting the text book in the Italian Secondary school system' or whatever it was. I recall the catering was good, but 300 Italian teachers at a free-for-all buffet is quite a sight!

Anonymous said...

Bears an uncanny resemblance to Gok Wan in that picture.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, they're both bum-bandits!

Roupel Street Site said...

I always thought that the biggest example of rubbish in EFL was EF. Am I wrong?

Jean Simmons said...

Your sarcasm is so infectious. :) Yup there are many overrated webinars and seminars. I've heard of Luke Meddings and it just made me curious about him. Gonna check out google for this one. :)

Anonymous said...

Incidentally,I have just found out the present status of Paul 'Little Lord Fondle-Boy' Lowe's former henchman of Windsor TEFL London notoriety,Simon Green.He is now Simon Green-Fried,and works in some 'co-ordinator' role at TWIN. TWIN,whom I suspect would love to know his past dealings with that rat Paul Lowe...

There is a picture of the Green catastrophe on his Facebook page,and his 'wife.'I wonder if he needs to get himself a DEFRA licence for her. She looks like a shaven yeti in a wig and knickers:there must be laws against keeping exotic livestock,far less having sex with it...In the words of Vladimir Putin:'yobanny v rot!'

So if anyone from the Windsor TEFL London dispute wants a laugh at Shit-cunt Simon's expense,check the piccy on his Facebook out! I'm sure that the yeti in the picture with Simon Groin is the same lady pictured in the 'Summer School Saturnalia'article on here!

Balotelli said...

My God, that's a poor choice of wife - desperate, in fact. But then again, he did choose to work for Paul Lowe AND promote his bent ways, so he's not a man who habitually makes good choices in life.

Anonymous said...

Hello, for it is I, William Frederickson,I put the above post on here,Balotelli. In these dark and adverse times,we all need something to laugh at. Seriously,though,have a look at his employment history on Linkedin -it's rather patchy and full of more holes than a tramp's y-fronts. No mention of his time as a DoS with Paul Lowe, is there? Also,how long did the little pidor last in his last job? Couldn't oil his way to safety THEN,could he?

As for desperation,I remember him getting mumpy because I was a bit chummy with a blonde Hungarian lady...I was warned by a butt-licker of his NOT to get involved,or I'd get in trouble. I wonder if they've invented a new sex position...probably called it 'The Windsor Shuffle!' That is all that an under-developed runt like him could do under a big lady sitting on his prick-shuffle!

William Frederickson said...

As for trouble...mercury poisoning and a 'leak' of Windsor TEFL's status as an accredited TESOL provider. Ahhhhhhhh,the good old days!Incidentally,putting one's political views on Facebook- Balotelli,Smeggy Simon really does make some bad choices.

William Frederickson-when does the open?I am bored said...

Or maybe I have under-estimated Semen Groin-Fuck,and he has immense muscular strength! And we should all envy him. In any case,the photo of Simon Green-Fuckt and 'It' almost made me spray a mouthful of good coffee all over my keyboard and have a young,blonde Polish secretary decide NOT to fuck me as she thought I was crazy. For that alone,I am entitled to take the piss mercilessly!

William Frederickson said...

...and my sexual fetish for ladies who look like Amy Winehouse (when she was alive of course!)looks perfectly normal in comparison,too!

William Frederickson said...

Oh -and there's no mention on 'LinkedIn' of the time at the LTC that he did simultaneously to his involvement in the Windsor debacle. Hmmmm...very fraudulent.

The TEFL Tradesman said...

OK Willie, that's enough. Time to get back in yer box now!

William Frederickson said...

Sorry,Sandy, but the article is about Rubbish in EFL!

Anonymous said...

The Via Lingua TEFL course in Florence, Italy is a total scam. The school intentionally misleads potential students on its website by claiming that 85% of graduates of the TEFL course get a job within 1-30 days from finishing the course. This is a blatant lie. Most of the people from the course go home without a job. The school provides very little in the way of support. Their idea of an exclusive lifetime job network for graduates is a binder full of print outs of job postings from TEFL.com and Daves ESL cafe.

Furthermore, the housing they provide is subpar and the owner of the school when confronted about these issues becomes very hostile. Via Lingua is basically a marketing scheme- they’ll say whatever they can (mislead, or leave out important information about the job market or working visas, etc) so they can get you to sign up for their course. They have about five or six websites all saying the same stuff and they’ve paid bloggers and ESL sites like ESL Base to do free advertising. It’s not a professional school in any sense of the word. However, on the bright side (can’t all be bad, right)- Florence is a beautiful city!

Time for this school to be added to the TEFL blacklist. Via Lingua, you’re on notice.